


cor te reducit

by theangelofletters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-01-14 00:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1245391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theangelofletters/pseuds/theangelofletters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a shy girl moves in the house across from Singer Auto Salvage. she begins a life-long friendship with dean winchester, eventually falling in love and choosing the path of a hunter. but soon after dean goes to hell, katherine discovers something: she can hear the angels speak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prologue.

**Author's Note:**

> this is kind of my backburner fic at the moment. i just write on it when i can. it follows the story of katherine, an OC, and her adventures with the winchester boys. set at the end of s3 and will continue through most of s4 and s5 if i have time to write on it :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i was 21 years old and i had caught the bug.

My name is Katherine Harris. When I was 5 years old, my best friend had a speech problem, so she called me Kat and the nickname stuck, so most people just call me Kat.

When I was 15 years old, my mom and dad divorced and my mother decided to move us out to South Dakota. At first I really hated it. The people were snooty and didn’t talk with the familiar Kentucky drawl that I was used to, but eventually I got used to their accents and they got used to mine. I even made a few friends.

It wasn’t until I was 16 that I made a friendship that would completely change my life.

Bobby Singer lived across the road from my mother and I. As far as we knew, he had no family and kept mostly to himself, save for a black car that would appear in the driveway every few weeks. It would stay in the driveway for a day or two, then be gone for weeks at a time. Mr. Singer was friendly and he waved often, so when the black car was absent, Mom would send me to his house with brownies or cake or whatever.

On one particular June day in 2001, Mom sent me over to Mr. Singer’s with a plate of potato casserole, since Mr. Singer had mentioned having a fondness for it but not being able to make it himself. As per usual, I walked up to the door and knocked a few times, stepping back to wait for Mr. Singer.

The person who answered the door was definitely _not_ Mr. Singer.

The first thing I noticed was his piercing green eyes. They looked like the type of green that Margaret Mitchell was thinking about when she wrote about Scarlett O’Hara. Freckles covered his young face as well as slight stubble. He looked young enough to be in college, but his face started to show signs of developing into a man. He looked at me with a slight smirk and I almost dropped the casserole.

“Can I help you?”

I tried to smile but it came out as a weird grimace. “I – um, I live across the street. Mom wanted me to bring this – uh, casserole, to Mr. Singer.”

He smiled and stood back from the door, waving me inside. “He’s in the garage, Sammy’ll go get him.”

He called into the living room for “Sammy” and I waited, sitting the casserole on the kitchen table.

“I thought I told you to call me Sam?” the boy asked.

He was tall and thin with dark brown hair that swept into his hazel eyes. He looked awkward, like he had grown too much too fast and his body wasn’t really ready for it. He was still very handsome, and I wondered how many girls were interested in him.

“This girl here’s got a casserole for Bobby,” he said. “Go get him.”

Sam huffed and rolled his eyes before walking through the house.

“Sorry, my brother’s a bit of a geek,” he said.

“That’s okay,” I accepted. “I’m a bit of a geek too.”

He extended a hand, “I’m Dean Winchester.”

I smiled and shook his hand, “Kat Harris. Do you… do you live here, with Mr. Singer?”

Dean shook his head, “Nah, Dad’s working a job, so he dropped us off and asked me to stay here with Sam.”

“Do you work with him?”

Dean shrugs, “Sometimes. I’ve been working a lot so I decided to sit this one out.”

“What do you do?”

Dean smirks, “I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”

“Alright, James Bond,” I laughed. It had taken zero time to be comfortable with Dean Winchester. “Are you a spy? Because that doesn’t pay very much.”

Dean waggles his eyebrows, “Well, chicks dig the danger vibe.”

I rolled my eyes, “You’re a mess.”

“How long are you staying?”

Dean smiles, “Why? Enjoy lookin’ at me that much?”

I blushed, “It’s just nice to make some friends – that’s all. I don’t fit in very well here.”

“Well,” Dean smirked. “Sammy and I move around a lot with Dad. It’d be nice to have a friend in Sioux Falls too.”

From then on, it wasn’t hard to get me to take packages or whatever to Mr. Singer. After a few days of hanging out with Sam and Dean, I learned Mr. Singer’s first name was Bobby, and he encouraged me to come over and talk whenever I felt like it. My mom had started dating a man I didn’t like, so I felt like talking with Bobby often. We quickly became close – he was a better dad than my actual father.

Over the next four years, I saw Dean often. He started working by himself, and he would stay with Bobby for weeks at a time, always making a point to see me. He met my mother, my mother’s boyfriend (Dean didn’t like him either), and I met his father, John.

He told me about Sam getting accepted to Stanford and getting enough scholarship to go on his own and bragged a lot on Sam wanting to be a lawyer. I told him about Kentucky and how much I missed my old friends.

By the time I turned 18, Dean was my best friend. He would call whenever he could while he was working and tried to come visit me at Bobby’s at least once a month.

Eventually, felt like I knew everything about Dean Winchester. Of course, I was wrong.

Just after my 18th birthday, Dean told me the truth about his father and the family business. He told me about his mother dying, his father losing it, spirits, tulpas, wendigos, werewolves, vampires, curses, witches, demons – everything about who he is and what he does.

I’ll admit, I was a little surprised to learn that things like that even _existed_ , much less that there were people that hunted them. But I listened carefully and only interjected when necessary, I could tell that it was hard for Dean to tell those things to.

“Sounds like a dangerous business to work alone,” I told him.

“Of course it is. But someone’s gotta save these people.”

I nodded, “What if you got a partner?”

Dean smirked, “I’m hard to work with.”

“I could do it. Teach me how to be a hunter.”

Dean’s smirk faded, “No fucking way.”

“Why not?” I calmly asked.

Dean’s mouth set into a hard line, “No. I won’t take you with me. You’re my best friend.”

But I knew most of everything about Dean, I knew what he was admitting to without actually saying it. “AKA, you need something to look forward to seeing.”

He smirks, “I guess so.”

So instead, Dean taught me how to defend myself. He showed me how to line my house in salt, how to use iron to repel spirit. He drew out protection symbols and evil-repelling signs from every religion he knew of in notebooks and made me copy then until they were embedded in my brain. He gave me my first gun – complete with rock salt and silver bullets – and silver hunting knife and showed me how to work them both to the point where I could kill if necessary.

By September 2005, I was midway through college. I was 20 years old and counting the days until my 21st birthday in December. I had more homework than I knew how to deal with and took to staring at the postcards Dean sent me from all over the country rather than my _Educating Young Minds_ book before me.

Someone cleared their throat and I looked up to see Dean standing in the doorway of my room.

“ _Educating Young Minds_ , huh?”

I smiled, “Yeah, figured it was as good of a day job as any.”

He sees the postcards, “You trying not to forget me?”

“Not all of us can just drop our worries at the door and become Ghostbusters.”

Dean gave me a weak smile, “You gotta stay in school, Kat.”

I rolled my eyes.

 “Still remember all the things I taught you?”

I nodded and pulled the gun he gave me from my backpack.

“That’s my girl,” he said with a soft smile. Even though he was still in great shape for 26 years old, I could see him start to age. He was no longer the barely-old-enough-to-buy-a-beer cocky kid I met – he was becoming a man, just like I was becoming a woman.

“Is something wrong?” I asked softly.

He took a deep breath and leans against my dresser, “I just came in from Upstate New York. Thought I’d stop in.”

I smiled, “It’s cute that you still think you can lie to me, Dean.”

He chuckled and threw up his hands in surrender before his face turned serious. “Okay, okay. It’s my dad. He’s missing. Last we heard he was working this job in California.” His face falls as he speaks.

 “You’re worried.”

“Of course I’m worried,” he said, bringing his fingers to the bridge of his nose. “Dad’s never gone this long without checking in.”

“Do you think something has happened?”

Dean shrugged, “I got no idea.”

“We should go look for him,” I suggested.

Dean’s eyes harden, “We?”

“Yeah, we. You can’t go by yourself. Whatever’s after your dad, it – it’s  _dangerous_ ,” I stuttered. “You shouldn’t go by yourself.

Dean shook his head and grabbed my hand, “Absolutely not. You’re right, it’s dangerous. Which is exactly why you can’t go. You’re inexperienced.”

“B-But Dea – “

“No.  _I_  am going to look for him. You’re staying here. Educating the minds of our youth,” he said, waggling his eyebrows at the finish.

“Dean this isn’t funny. You need backup,” I said, rolling my eyes. “If something has your dad, it could be dangerous.”

He squeezed my hand harder, “I know. But I can’t risk you. If you were experienced – maybe. But you’re not – so you’re not going.”

I sighed, “Okay, but can you at least take  _someone_?”

Dean chuckled, “No one’s gonna help me look for Dad. I’ve already talked to several hunters I know – they all just assure me that he’ll show up.”

“But you don’t think so?”

The smile left Dean’s face, “No. Something is wrong. He’s never gone this long without checking in.”

“Is there anybody that would go with you?  _Anybody_? What about your brother?”

“I promised him I wouldn’t bother him – and I haven’t for the last two years.”

I sighed and put both hands on his shoulders, “But this is your  _dad_ , Dean. Maybe Sam will understand.”

Dean nodded, “And Jericho isn’t that far from Stanford, so maybe he’ll go.”

She smiled, “You promise you’ll call?”

“I promise,” Dean said, kissing me on the cheek before he left.

-

By that December, Sioux Falls had started to bore my mother. Upon her recent breakup with her douchebag boyfriend, she had decided (like with my father) that it was time to move away. We had left in the middle of the night – she wouldn’t even let me say goodbye to Bobby. We settled in Oregon (which I hated more than South Dakota) and I enrolled in the local university.

Of course, that didn’t last very long either. I had for months to follow Dean’s instructions to stay in school and stay away from hunting, but I couldn’t help it – it was all I could think about.

By April, I had started pouring over news articles and hacking into police databases, looking for any kind of murder or injury that was odd or off. There were many, and more than once I wondered if Dean and his brother were looking into the murder.

Eventually I found a job that was fairly close – only 100 miles or so south of Sioux Falls. I snuck away from my mother on a weekend, saying that I had some kind of extra credit trip for my college class. Within the weekend, I had salted and burned the bones of an old prostitute that was killing people in the town.

I was 21 years old, and I had caught the bug.


	2. the beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He turns to me, “You promised me you wouldn’t become a hunter. Promised.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is another re-write, i hope it makes it easier to read :)

**April 2008**  
The flames rise higher than I would like in front of me and I wish I hadn’t used so much damn lighter fluid. I sit down close to the edge of the makeshift pyre and flip open my phone – no messages. It’s unsurprising. I hadn’t spoken to Bobby in close to two years, even longer for Sam or Dean.

My temporary partner, Blake, sits down next to me and hands over a beer. He’s a little older than someone I’d like to travel with (32 years old to my 23), but he’s temporary. If three months can be considered temporary anymore.

“One demon down,” he says with a smile. “Too bad the guy didn’t make it through the exorcism.”

I just shrug and sip my beer. I never make it more than a month or two without getting a new partner and there’s a purpose to that: I don’t like people.

As per usual, Blake just can’t let the silence rest.

“How’d you get in the life?” he asks quietly.

I turn my gaze away from the fire to look at him, “Why?”

Blake shrugs, “We’ve been hunting together for three months and it’s like I don’t know anything about you. I don’t even know what you did before this.”

I just sigh in response. I haven’t told Blake anything about my past life on purpose – the same reason I don’t tell any of my partners anything I’ve done. I just focus on the job, that’s it.

“Are you going to tell me?”

I roll my eyes and look back at the fire. “I was a student.”

Blake nods, “So who died?”

My stare cuts back to him, “What?”

“Well, most people get in the life when someone they know dies paranormally. So who died?”

I just chuckle, “Nobody.”

Blake raises an eyebrow at me, like he wants me to continue. I groan and keep talking.

“I had a friend who was a hunter. He taught me how to defend myself really well,” I scowl whenever my voice cracks. It hurts to talk about Dean. “And one day I just looked around and said, ‘what the hell am I doing in this classroom?’”

“So you caught the bug,” Blake smiles.

“Yep.” I’m content to just let the conversation die, but I know how rude that is. As bad as I make Blake out to be, he’s actually pretty good about understanding my lack of social skills. I might keep him around. “What about you?”

He nods, “My brother. Demon possession.”

I just nod – I mean, what else can I say? I know how the life is.

The flames die down, having nothing else to consume.

It’s not that I don’t trust Blake – because I do. I just like keeping my other life to myself, the one that belonged to school, and Mom, and waiting for Dean Winchester to call me. I decide I’ve been too rough on Blake and I offer him a smile. I pull the keys from my pocket, “Time for grub?”

He nods and slings the shovel over his shoulder. “After you.”

-

I remembered there was a small diner close to our hotel and my mouth waters at the thought of a juicy bacon cheeseburger. I wheel my four-door Jeep into the parking lot and cut the engine before briefly looking at my face. I’m covered in sweat and dirt and blood, probably smell like smoke and burning flesh. I smile at Blake, wondering what people are gonna think when they see us.

The diner is close to empty – just how I like it. Blake holds the door open for me and it unnerves me a little bit. He’s been doing more and more stuff like that lately, opening doors, letting his hand brush against mine, standing too close, etc. It’s a little unnerving.

We find a booth close to the door as usual. I let Blake sit where he can see o door and I sit on the other side. Blake normally gets a better read on people than I do, so I never have a problem with letting him sit closest to the door.

The waitress brings out the drinks and takes our orders for cheeseburgers. As she walks away, the bell attached to the door dings and I can see Blake’s entire body tense up. My hand ghosts over my handgun inside my jacket (the same one Dean gave me). “What?” I whisper.

Blake reaches his hand across the table to touch mine, “Check’em out. I think they’re hunters.”

I turn in my seat, wrenching my hand away from Blake to see the two he’s talking about. Two men sit in a booth in the opposite corner from us. I can only see one’s face, a handsome boy who can’t be that much older than I am, with long, shaggy hair that hangs in his face. Sure enough, he’s got that well-worn predator look of a hunter – it almost radiates off of him. Something looks really familiar about him, but I can’t place him. Maybe we’ve met up once or twice on jobs.

His partner sits with his back to me, so I can only see the short dark blonde/light brown hair that peeks over his brown leather jacket with the collar turned up.

“Do you know them?”

Blake frowns, “They look familiar. Think we should go introduce ourselves? They could be after the same job we just finished.”

I turn back to Blake, making sure to keep my hands off the table, “Yeah, we should let them know they shouldn’t waste their time. After we eat, we’ll talk to them in the parking lot.”

The waitress brings out our meals and Blake spends his tense, trying to get a read on the hunters across from us. I look up occasionally, but I try to make it seem like I’m really focused on my burger.

Honestly, there are only two kinds of hunters. The ones who welcome the help of other hunters and the sons of bitches that are too cocky and get themselves killed. These two men could be either. To be honest, I’m a little worried that they’re the second kind and they get pissed when Blake and I offer our help.

When I finish my fries, Blake stands and lays a $20 bill on the table, making a beeline for the parking lot. I decide not to comment on him paying for my food and follow him, my hand twitching toward the gun in my jacket. There’s nothing to do but wait, so we sit on the hood of the Jeep.

Several silent minutes go by before the long haired man exits the diner, spotting us and making a bee line toward them. he was probably thinking along the same lines we were.

“Y’all new in town?” Blake asks, jumping off the Jeep.

The longer haired man smiles, “Yeah, actually. Coming in on a job.”

I smile from where I sit – he is a hunter.

“Us too,” Blake smiles again, gesturing to me. He lowers his voice, “The three murders, right?”

The man nods, “Yeah. Caught it on the line.”

Blake extends his hand, “I’m Blake.”

“Sam,” he says, shaking Blake’s hand.

“Hey there,” I say, making myself known in the conversation and he awkwardly waves, stuttering over his.

“N-nice to meet you.”

I smile at him – it’s rare to meet a hunter who’s shy and awkward toward women. Most are cocky bastards and it gets annoying after a while. Once again, I’m struck by how familiar he looks.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” Sam quietly asks.

I shake my head, “No, but I think we’ve met before.”

“Who’s your partner?” Blake sternly asks, breaking my eye contact with Sam. It briefly crosses my mind that Blake is jealous that I’m staring at Sam, but I don’t stop looking.

Sam smiles, never breaking his eye contact with me, “My brother. Family business.”

I just nod, “Took care of the demon.”

Sam’s face falls a little bit, like his disappointed, “Well, alright then. Seems like you two took care of everything.”

The door dings from across the parking lot, but I don’t bother looking up. If it _is_ Sam’s brother, he’ll be over with us soon enough.

But then I hear a deep voice call out to Sam, “Hey, Sammy! Did those two already handle – “ he cuts off mid-sentence.

I look up to see a pair of bright green eyes staring at me.

I can feel my own eyes widen and my mouth drop open a bit. But it can’t – no, it couldn’t be.

But it is.

I know those green eyes. I know those bow legs, the plaid over the black teeshirt, the amulet hanging from his neck.

“Dean?” I breathe.

“Kat,” he says my name softly, as if saying it too loud would be painful.

“You—you’re – “ I start to stumble, getting up from the Jeep. Dean crosses the distance and crushes my body to his, folding my arms around him.

He pulls me back for a second and looks in my eyes, “What are you doing here? Did you start hunting?”

I just nod and scowl ­­– I don’t like being scolded like a child. Dean gives an exasperated sigh, but he still keeps my body close to his.

“Do you two know each other?” Sam and Blake ask at the same time. Blake’s tone is laced with jealousy – Sam’s with surprise.

“Yes,” I answer, looking up. “I used to live across from Bobby Singer.”

Blake’s mouth hangs open, “Bobby Singer? You mean to tell me that you know Bobby fuckin’ Singer and you didn’t tell me?”

“Didn’t I just say I knew him?” I snap.

Sam smiles wide, “I knew you looked familiar. Hell, I only met you like twice, but wow, Kat!”

“I can’t believe this,” Blake says, bringing his hands to the back of his head. “Who are you two?” he asks the boys.

“Dean Winchester,” Dean says crossly. He turns to me, “You promised me you wouldn’t become a hunter. Promised.”

I shrug, “You were gone. I was bored with school and hunting came easy.”

“This is who you were looking for? A Winchester?” Blake asks.

Dean just shakes his head and takes a couple steps away.

“Well what the hell happened to the demon?” Dean asks.

I smile for the first time in a few minutes, “Sent her ass back to Hell.”

Dean looks like he’s going to have an aneurysm. He turns to Sam, “Great. Looks like we’re going to have to find another way to Lilith.”

“Lilith? Who’s that?”

The corners of Sam’s mouth twitch, “A demon.”

“The demon,” Dean corrects.

“What do you mean ‘the demon?’’ I ask.

Sam looks at Dean and I can tell they’re communicating without words. “We’ll tell you in the car, Kat,” Dean says, never breaking his eye contact with Sam.

“What the hell is going on here?” Blake asks, exasperated. “You knew Sam and Dean Winchester and Bobby Singer and just forgot to mention it?”

Dean’s eyes narrow at Blake before turning back to me, “Who the hell is this guy? Boyfriend?”

I can feel a blush start to creep to my cheeks. I’d never had a boyfriend, unless Dean counted – which he didn’t. “No. Just a partner.”

Dean nods and turns back to Blake, “Okay, bub. Well, this doesn’t concern you, sorry to get you in the midst of it. But your services are no longer required. We’ll take her from here.”

“Dean!” Sam and I scold at the same time.

Blake puts up his hands, “No, no. I understand. Family thing and all that.” He turns to me, and suddenly I can see in his eyes what he’s about to say. “So what are you going to do? Go with these dicks or…” he trails off, but I know what he’s asking.

“I’m sorry, Blake. I gotta stay with them now that I’ve found them.”

Blake looks like he’s going to bust an artery. “So some guys you haven’t seen in years show up and you’re just gonna kick your partner that you’ve been hunting with for months to the curb?”

I just nod, not really that upset about the situation. I feel like I _should_ say something, but there’s nothing coming to mind.

Blake shakes his head, “I don’t believe this. What am I going to do? I don’t even have a car.”

I fish out the keys to my Jeep and flip them to him. “All I need is my bag and weapons out of the back.”

Blake swears under his breath as he fiddles with them and heads to the Jeep. He takes out my bag of clothes and my bag of weapons and sits them next to my feet before climbing in the jeep and peeling out of the parking lot.

I turn to Dean, “Who’s Lilith and what’s so special about her?”

Dean breaks my eye contact and looks at his feet, so I turn to Sam, “Gonna explain or should I just make something up?”

“Sam died,” Dean starts. “He died on my watch and I couldn’t let that happen.”

I narrow my eyes and lower my tone, “What did you do, Dean?”

Dean looks up and meets my eyes, “I made a deal.”

“With a demon?” I gasp. “Sam’s life for your…”

“Soul,” Sam finishes.

It feels like the air’s been ripped from my lungs. “How long?”

“A month and a couple days,” Dean says quietly, like he’s ashamed of what he did.

The silence settles for a few minutes before Sam grabs his brother’s shoulder, “Dean, you’re just gonna let her help us find Lilith?”

Dean nods, still keeping eye contact with me. “She can help us, Sammy.”

“How?” Sam and I both ask.

Dean shrugs and gives a soft smirk, “This way, I don’t have to worry about where you are and what you’re doing. You’ll be right next to me – I’ll know you’re safe.”

* * *

 **May 15, 2008** **  
**"There's still time," I yell, putting down the goofer dust and salt. Sam hurries beside me, determined to save his brother. Ruby and Dean just look on, as if they’ve accepted his fate.

The clock strikes - the final hour is upon us.

Dean calls my name and when I turn I expect to see fear, anger, anything that is probably reflected in my own features. But I don’t see any of those things. I see deep regret and deep sorrow. It occurs to me that he and I might be living a normal life right now if he hadn’t made the deal. For the fiftieth time today, I wish I’d found them before this happened, before Dean made the deal.

Dean holds out his hand to me, "Come here."

I reluctantly walk to him, knowing what’s going to happen. This is his goodbye. I let him take me in his arms and start to cry when he kisses my forehead.

"Take care of Sammy," he whispers against my hair.

I look up to him and nod, the tears flowing freely down my face. I can’t find it in me to stop them. Dean looks in my eyes and gently reaches down, pressing his lips to mine.

"Give me the knife, I can fight them off!" Ruby shouts, interrupting us.

"Wait!" Dean calls, throwing me behind him, "Sam, that's not Ruby."

Whoever is possessing the blonde girl smiles as she throws the three of us against the wall.

“You bitch,” I hiss.

"Where's Ruby?" Sam asks.

"She was a very bad girl, she had to be sent away,” the woman responds. Her voice is oddly childlike and it makes my skin crawl, but it’s enough that I recognize her.

“Lilith,” I snarl.

"I should've seen this before," Dean spits. "But you all look the same to me."

Sam takes a deep breath, "You have me, let my brother and Kat go."

"Silly goose," Lilith giggles. "You have to have something I want, you don't."

I growl, "Let Dean go, out of his deal."

Lilith smiles, "Oh I'll let him go alright. Straight to Hell." She opens the door and giggles in her baby voice, "Sic'em, boy!"

The hellhounds enter the room, immediately thrashing and clawing at Dean.

"No!"

Sam and I start to scream, thrashing at the invisible holds Lilith has on us. We fight, doing anything we can to stop Dean’s screams of agony, but we can’t get free. I start to sob, screaming anything I can, my voice growing hoarse in my throat.

Blood rushes from the claw marks across Dean’s abdomen, but I can’t stop it – I can’t do _anything_.

Dean screams, but he catches my eye. "No!" he manages. "Stay!"

I start to scream for him, but I can’t make it stop. I can’t do anything. Lilith giggles at the sight and I feel pure, hot _rage_ course through my body as I snarl at her.

She giggles again as Dean stops struggling, and I see the lights leave his eyes. I see red.  

Lilith walks to where she has a hold on Sam and gently tries to put a hand on his forehead, “First I’m going to kill the brother,” she turns to me, “then the pretty girlfriend.”

“You bitch,” Sam and I scream profanities.

But she closes her eyes and taps her palm to Sam’s face. White light escapes from her skin and I avert my eyes. I expect screams, agony, _anything,_ but when I open my eyes, Sam stands, broken from his bonds, glaring at Lilith.

Lilith looks toward the ceiling and I see the black smoke that’s her demon soul leave the blonde’s body. My bonds are instantly freed, but I don’t move. I just sink to the ground and stare at Dean’s body.


	3. lost & then found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first thing my eyes see are a big pair of green eyes and freckles. I start to lower the gun in surprise only to jerk it back up again.
> 
> “There’s no way…” Bobby starts to ramble, stuttering over his words.
> 
> “It’s me,” he croaks. But it can’t be.
> 
> “That’s impossible,” I spit, grabbing Bobby’s hunting knife

** Fall 2008 ** **   
** At first neither of us knew what to do. Sam and I just sat in the middle of the floor, looking at Dean’s mangled body. The tears fell from Sam’s face as he mumbled things like, “We had just started to be brothers again.” The tears fell from mine because I had literally _just_ found him and he was gone again. I’d be lying if I said I knew how I was supposed to handle that.

After a while, Bobby found the two of us crying around Dean’s body. He just started at the two of us. “We need to dispose of the body before…” he choked, unable to finish the sentence.

I nodded, “I’ve got some lighter fluid in my bag.”

I remember Sam turning on me, growling, really. “No. We’re not burning him.”

“But Sam – “ Bobby started.

“But nothing. He’s going to need it when he comes back.”

Rather than fight Sam, we just agreed with him. Dean’s soul was in Hell – not like he was coming back as vengeful spirit anyway. That night, I cleaned Dean’s wounds, put him in fresh clothes (jeans and plaid, of course), and watched Bobby and Sam put him in the pine box.

There wasn’t a lot of fanfare and it wasn’t like any funeral I’d ever been to. Sam was crying too hard to say anything, and Bobby had already downed a fifth of whiskey, so he was perfectly numb. I didn’t say anything either, I didn’t feel like there was anything that really needed to be said.

Just before we closed the lid of the box, Sam reached into the earth and gently, ever so gently, lifted Dean’s head to retrieve the amulet Dean wore around his neck.

I couldn’t say anything, I just looked at him.

“I gotta keep it safe,” Sam simply said, walking toward the Impala.

I turned to Bobby and held up my hands, asking what I should do.

“Go,” he commanded. “I got this, you stay with Sam.”

And for two months, I did.

At first it was hard – neither of us slept much and we drank heavily, all three of us trying to avoid our beds at night. Whenever we finally _would_ fall asleep, it wouldn’t be long before one of us woke up screaming Dean’s name, begging some unknown force to pull him from Hell, our screams filling Bobby’s small house.

After a week, Sam came through Bobby’s door, eyes bruised and puffed from lack of sleep and sobbing. He held a bottle of Jack in his hands, emptied. He was mumbling, “It didn’t work. What do I do now?” over and over again, to no one.

“Where were you?” I remember softly asking.

Sam cut his eyes to me, “What does it matter? They wouldn’t take me.”

I didn’t even try to imagine what he had been doing, I just suggested that maybe we should start hunting again. Sam reluctantly agreed – I think it was more to find Lilith than it was to stay busy. I tried to stay away from demon cases, knowing the last thing either of us (but Sam especially) needed was a reminder of where Dean was, what pain he was going through.

We hunted spirits, we hunted a nest vampires, two werewolves, and a couple of shapeshifters within a month and a half. Bobby worried about us and called often, making sure we were sleeping, eating, etc. I’d be lying if I said I got three square meals and eight hours, but I didn’t know what else to do but work. Sam didn’t either.

I think the reason I stayed with a grieving Sam for as long as I did was because we clicked better than Blake and I ever had. When we hunted, we moved as one, often thinking along the same lines. And when we weren’t on the job, Sam often knew exactly where my mind was, but he never had to say it out loud.

My first nightmare was the worst. Sam had them right away, but it took until we started hunting again for mine to start.

I saw Dean’s bright green eyes looking at me. “Why didn’t you save me?” he whispered.

“I don’t know,” I whispered back, reaching out through the dim light to touch him.

“Why didn’t you save me?” he asked again, a little louder.

“I couldn’t,” I said back as I could take in his form.

My eyes adjusted, I saw Dean – well, parts of him. He was tied up, cut apart, bleeding, tortured. He blinked and his eyes turned black. He called my name in a gurgled scream, “ _Why didn’t you save me?_ ”

I woke up screaming in the same tone Dean had been.

A light flickered on beside the bed and my head cut to my left to see Sam rising from his bed.

“You’re okay,” he soothed. “You’re safe.”

I started to cry, so Sam sat down on the bed next to me and pulled me into his arms, stroking my hair. I had done this to him several nights, but something about that night was different – _he_ was different. My touches after his nightmares were purely for comfort for Sam, his touches after my first nightmare were for the both of us.

“I’m going to stay right here,” he promised. “I’m not going anywhere.”

From that night on, we just shared a bed. It made it easier when one of us would wake up screaming. It wasn’t sensual, it wasn’t sexual, it was just two people who needed a warm body next to them so they didn’t go crazy.

The first time we saw Ruby on a job, it took everything I had not to kill her right away – but Sam wouldn’t let me.

“I’m sorry about your brother Sam, but I know how you can get revenge on Lilith.”

“Revenge is a slippery slope,” I had hissed at her. “Can you get Dean out of his deal?”

She shook her head, “He’s in the pit. I don’t know of anything with enough juice to bring him back so—“

“Then we have no use for you,” Sam spat. He looked at the blonde woman, “Who’s body are you riding, Ruby? Who’s life are you taking?”

I put my hands on my hips and stared at her.

She nodded sarcastically, “A secretary. Sam, I crawled out of hell to help you. I had to lie to Lilith – make her think I could be trusted. Do you know how that was? The whole time I was fighting to get back to you, fighting to help you.”

I laughed, “Yeah, right. I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you, bitch.”

Ruby’s eyes cut a glare at me before returning to Sam, “I can help you. I know what to do to get revenge on Lilith.”

Sam shook his head, “No. I’m sorry. Get out.”

I had thought that would be the last we saw of the bitch, but I was wrong.

Another case, another place, the bitch showed up again in some brunette’s body. She claimed the apartment had been empty and the girl’s soul was gone, but I still didn’t trust the bitch. Then she started talking about Sam using the demon mind-bending to exorcise – and he was considering it. I’d had enough.

“Are you kidding?” I spat. “Sam, you can’t be serious.”

“What?” Sam asked. “I could use this and kill Lilith – no more evil bitch. Looks like a win-win to me.” His tone was sarcastic, mean even.

Ruby smiled from behind him, “I can help you, Sam.”

Sam nodded, “I’m ready.”

I grabbed his shoulder, “Sam, you can’t do this. You promised Dean you would stay out of the mind-bending.”

Sam glared at me, “Do you see Dean here?”

“I can’t stick around while you do this, Sam,” I said quietly.

Sam just nodded, “Then go.”

So I did. I showed up at Bobby’s a week later, in a stolen Tahoe, looking for a job. When Bobby asked, I just told him the truth: Ruby showed up and Sam chose her over me. I wasn’t upset, I wasn’t disappointed, I wasn’t anything. What was Sam Winchester to me? The brother of someone I’d once romanticized? Someone I’d been sharing a bed (and nightmares) with for a couple months? No more than a hunting partner.

Bobby offered to let me stay at his house and I agreed. I wasn’t really ready to start hunting alone again, and finding a good hunting partner was about as hard as hitting the lottery.

So I helped Bobby. I cooked for him, answered phones, helped run the Salvage Yard, and even learned a few things about cars. I ended up keeping the white Tahoe and Bobby and I worked on it till it was brand new and pretty much unrecognizable. Neither of us mentioned Dean, Sam, or the nightmares we had unless it was necessary. It was during this two months that I learned that a fifth of whiskey would calm the whispering voices at night, and I spent a good amount on alcohol those days.

Bobby spoke to Sam often, calling him every couple of days. We knew that Sam was tracking Lilith with Ruby. Sam never bothered calling me, so I didn’t call him either. In hindsight, I was acting like a teenage girl, but I didn’t care. Ruby was a demon, Sam could have her. I tried not to worry about what he was doing.

The main thing I did was learn. I learned about cars, I learned about John and Dean Winchester when they were relevant and mainly, I learned about the supernatural. Book upon book upon book, running research for all the hunters Bobby knew.

In September, I finally decided I was ready to start hunting again. Bobby was sad to see me go, but he started calling the people he knew, trying to find anyone who needed a partner.

**September 2008**  
Present Day  
Bobby walks out to where I’m working on a car and clears his throat, “Marcie had a partner. Maybe we should just stop looking.” He takes a drink from his cup – I assume it’s whiskey, Bobby’s not really one for lemonade.

I just nod and wipe my hands off, “I know. I just feel the need to get back out there, I guess.”

Bobby understands. “Be hard to lose such a dedicated worker,” he chuckles.

It’s unusually hot for this time of year in South Dakota, especially this close to sunset. Sweat pours off my white teeshirt and shorter jean shorts. My hair hangs in a braid down my back and one of Dean’s old ball caps keeps the sun off my eyes and hair out of my face.

“Time for dinner?” Bobby suggests. “It’s nearly seven.” I nod and follow him in the house where he has a couple of sandwiches waiting for us.

He starts to hand me a beer before I pull a Coke out of the fridge. “If I’m gonna start hunting again, I can’t be a drunk anymore,” I clarify. He just nods and puts the beer back.

We eat in mostly silence, Bobby filling me in on what Sam’s doing with Ruby (to which I scowl) and the cases Roy and Jimmy are working on in California. I report how I’m doing on rebuilding the old Ford’s engine and Bobby gives me some suggestions on how to get it running again.

“ _Dean Winchester is saved_.”

My head cuts in Bobby’s direction, “What did you just say?”

Bobby’s eyes narrow, “I said that Roy and Jimmy want us to come out and help them with a nest of vampires.”

“You didn’t say Dean’s name?” I ask, starting to panic. I had only _just_ started acting normal – was I really losing it again?

Bobby shakes his head, “No. Just Roy and Jimmy. Are you okay?”

I shrug, “Just zoned out and thought you did.”

“Do you want to head out to Idaho? It’d be a good first job back, and I’d be your partner.”

I nod, “Yeah. As long as Roy keeps his damn hands to himself this time.”

Bobby chuckles, “I’ll make sure I pass along the message.”

The rest of the night passes easy, with Bobby calling Roy and Jimmy to tell them we’d be happy to come out and help them.

“Probably should back light,” Bobby suggests. “I don’t suspect it’ll take the four of us too long.”

I nod, “I think I’m going to try sleeping for a few hours right now – get a head start in the morning.”

Bobby nods in response.

“Are you going to sleep, old man?” I ask, chuckling.

He smiles at me, “Nah. I’m going to scope out the place Roy says the nest is. Make sure we’re not walking into something stupid.”

I nod, “Make sure you get a couple hours in there somewhere. I don’t wanna drive the Tahoe all the way to Idaho without a break.”

I climb the stairs to the room Bobby had set up for me whenever I moved in here. It’s small, quaint, but it’s home. It briefly crosses my mind that I can always go back to teaching if I get bored here, but I doubt that’ll happen – especially with me getting another job.

I lay between the covers and take a deep breath. I wonder where Sam is, how he’s doing. I figure I should probably call him and make sure – or even apologize, but who even knows if he would want to hear from –

“ _Castiel has raised him from perdition_.”

“ _We have great plans for him._ ”

“ _Make sure Michael is informed._ ”

“ _He knows._ ”

“ _I can’t believe the time is finally here_.”

I sit up in my bed, shaking and shivering. Multiple voices, all talking in excited, hushed tones. I grab my ears, trying hard to make it stop, to zone it out, _anything_. My teeth start chattering and my hands begin to shake. Am I really going crazy?

I finally give up on trying to rationalize the schizophrenic voices inside my head and just concentrate on the sounds around me, determined to find Bobby and figure out who the hell Castiel and Michael are, and why the fuck they’re talking inside my head.

I concentrate on the sound of Bobby’s A/C unit, on the drumming of the blades, the output of air, eventually concentrating on the beat of my own heart, the sound of my lungs pressing air. Eventually, the voices fade. I smile at my small victory before heading downstairs.

Bobby’s awake, drinking whiskey and sitting at the desk. He frowns when he sees me, “More nightmares?”

I start to shake my head, but decide to nod.

“Same dream?”

“Nah,” I say, leaning against a door frame. “I had a dream about someone named Castiel. Ever heard of him?”

Bobby shakes his head and points to a stack of books, “But I bet the answer’s somewhere in there, kid.”

I sigh and pick up a book, curiosity winning over fatigue.

…

I wake up to bright sunlight and Bobby shaking my shoulder. “Wha –“

Bobby just looks at me, “You fell asleep, idjit. It’s time to head out to Idaho, Roy and Jimmy are meeting us there.”

I just nod and look down at my book, remembering that I didn’t find a damn thing about Castiel – whoever the hell he/she was.

I take a deep breath and stand from my position on the couch, stretching out my aching limbs and muscles. I hear Bobby call from the kitchen that he’s going to bring me some soda on the trip.

“ _Where is he now_?”

“ _Has anyone located him_?”

The voices start to talk at once, I throw my hands to my ears to try to drown them out, focusing on my own heartbeat once again. I feel myself start to sink to the floor, almost begging the voices to stop.

When they finally fade and the sound of my heartbeat is the only thing in my ears, Bobby comes in from the kitchen and instantly is at my side. “You okay, kid?”

I nod, “I’m just – uh, I have bad headaches.”

Bobby’s face scrunches, but he lets the comment go for a moment to help me to my feet.

When someone knocks at the door, I immediately reach for my gun on the table and Bobby reaches for his silver hunting knife. Because the only people who know about this place are other hunters and none of them would just drop in on us without a call first.

Unless there was danger.

I nod to Bobby to open the door, gun loaded and extended, eyes narrowed and poised for the kill.

The first thing my eyes see are a big pair of green eyes and freckles. I start to lower the gun in surprise only to jerk it back up again.

“There’s no way…” Bobby starts to ramble, stuttering over his words.

“It’s me,” he croaks. But it can’t be.

“That’s impossible,” I spit, grabbing Bobby’s hunting knife. I grab one of the imposter’s hands, slicing a thin line into the palm to reveal…

Normal, human blood.

Bobby, catching on to my thoughts, grabs his flask of holy water and pours it over his arm.

Nothing happens.

When Bobby looks up to Dean’s eyes, he immediately crushes himself against the man, hugging him tightly. They exchange a laugh and slap each other on the back as Dean pulls away and stares at me.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he says, giving me a little half wave.

I can feel my eyes pool up with tears. “But, i-it can’t be. We-we _buried_ you, Dean. You were _dead_.”

He nods, “I was.” he reaches out so he touches my hand, “But I’m here now. I’m okay.”

He takes my hand in his and gently pulls me to him so I’m against his chest. He puts my hand on his heart, “Feel that? I’m real. I’m really here.”

As he holds me, I can feel his torso extend toward Bobby, “Where’s Sammy?”


	4. take a peek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I sink back from them, trying hard to calm my own breathing. 
> 
> Whatever I’ve been hearing, whoever this Castiel is… It can’t be good.

To say that Dean was pissed was an understatement. After a few minutes of angry stomping, slight yelling, and eventually calling the phone company to locate Sam’s phone, the vampire nest forgotten as we race toward Illinois.

Dean stays mostly silent in the shotgun seat of the Tahoe while Bobby talks to Roy on the phone. With Dean occasionally muttering how he couldn’t believe we let Sam go off on his own.

“Yeah, I know, Roy,” Bobby explains, gripping the steering wheel with one hand. “Look, I’m sorry about it, I really am. And you know any other time we’d be happy to help but –“

I look up in the rearview mirror to see Bobby rolling his eyes at the phone. I chuckle and give Dean a smile, which he returns.

“I know you wanted to see me and Kat, and I’m well aware that you needed help, but some things just came up…”

Finally, Dean gets fed up and snatches the phone from Bobby’s hand. “Roy? This is Dean… Yes, Dean Winchester. Look, Bobby and Kat are in the middle of important stuff, okay? If you can’t gank a nest of vamps by yourselves then you don’t need to be hunters anyway. Goodbye.” He says, clicking the phone shut and handing it back to Bobby.

“You know those two loudmouths are going to tell everyone they know,” I say.

Dean shrugs, “People were gonna find out eventually.”

“Don’t have to worry about Sam finding out from one of them first,” Bobby jokes. “Not like that kid answers the damn phone.”

This causes Dean to turn on me again, “I told you to stick with him, to take care of him. That doesn’t mean letting him go off and do something stupid, Kat.”

I narrow my eyes at Dean and lean up in the backseat, “You got some nerve, you know that?”

“How you figure?” Dean snaps back at me.

“You were gone, Dean. _Gone_. Sam just fell apart – Bobby fell apart, _I_ fell apart. Sam wanted _revenge_ , it was the only thing he could think about. He just couldn’t handle it anymore.”

Dean just makes a face, “So why didn’t you stay with him?”

I stay silent, trying my best to keep my glare on Dean. It wasn’t really working, I was too happy to see him back from Hell.

“He wasn’t the only one that couldn’t handle it anymore, Dean,” Bobby quietly says.

Dean turns to look at him, “What do you mean?”

Bobby shrugs, “She showed up at my place half out of her mind in a stolen car.”

“You stole a car?” Dean asks, turning back to look at me, starting to smirk.

I shrug and pat the seat, “Fixed her up too.”

“Well hot damn,” Dean chuckles. “Never thought I’d see Kat steal a car _and_ fix it.”

“Okay yeah, my mechanic’s skills improved while you were gone, but this is serious,” I sternly say. “We have no idea what pulled you out and what if it’s something bad and it’s after you, Dean?”

“I know exactly what pulled me out,” he replies, all matter-of-factly.

“Do tell,” Bobby snorts.

Dean looks at us both, but his smiling manner is gone. “It had to be Sam.”

I look from the road to Dean, narrowing my eyes.

“You think Sam made a deal?” Bobby asks.

Dean shrugs, “I don’t know of anything else with that kinda juice. Do you?”

The two of us just shake our heads.

“Whatever he did, it’s some bad mojo,” Dean continues. “The gravesite looked like a friggin’ nuke went off, and… there’s this.” He pulls up the sleeve of his teeshirt and I lean up in the backseat.

On Dean’s arm is a distinct handprint that looks like it had blistered up.

Bobby nearly runs off the road, “My God.”

Dean just nods, “I know. Looks like some demon pulled me out.”

The two of them keep debating on demons and how they could do it while I reach out to touch the blister. I put my hand exactly where the print is, pressing my whole hand to it.

It burns me.

“Ow! Son of a bitch!” I yell, bringing my hand back to my chest. “What the hell, Dean!”

Dean and Bobby just look at each other before looking at me. “Does it burn you like that?”

Dean just shakes his head at Bobby, “No. not at all.”

I briefly debate telling Dean about the voices I’ve been hearing for the last 24 hours, especially since they’ve been talking about him, but decide not to. We have enough crazy going on, no need to add more.

I just shrug, “Sensitive skin, I guess.”

Dean just accepts my answer and turns back to Bobby, contemplating Lilith and every other demon they’ve ever heard of, trying to decipher who could’ve pulled Dean out.

After several long hours, we park the Tahoe at the address the phone company gave us. It’s a larger hotel, but I had stayed in worse whenever Sam and I hunted together. Dean asks the guy at the front desk for one of Sam’s fake names while I lean against a chair that Bobby’s sitting in.

_ “Castiel has tried to make contact several times.” _

_ “Maybe he cannot perceive the true form like we’d hoped.” _

_ “Either way, contact must be made soon, we have work for him.” _

I concentrate on my breathing and my heartbeat as the voices start up again, refusing to let Bobby or Dean know what’s going on. After a few seconds, the voices stop and I exhale loudly.

“Sam’s upstairs in the first room on the left,” Dean reports.

“Maybe Bobby or I should go first,” I suggest. “Sam might not exactly…believe it’s you.”

“Good idea, Kat,” Dean says, letting Bobby go first.

Bobby beats on the door and it opens to reveal a familiar small brunette opens it promptly with money in her hand and just her underwear and a teeshirt on. I narrow my eyes at her, trying not to rip her pretty face from the rest of her body.

She looks around the three of us, “So where is it?”

“Where’s what?” I snap, scooting to the front of the pack.

Ruby’s eyes widen when she sees me, but she immediately puts on a poker face, “The pizza we ordered 20 minutes ago?”

Sam comes into view and I make sure to give him a deep glare, but he’s not looking at me.

“Heya, Sammy,” Dean says, waving.

“D-Dean?” Sam trails off.

Bobby and I stand to the side, letting Sam take in the sight of his brother. At first, I think that maybe Sam trusts us that Dean is Dean… but of course I’m wrong. Sam charges at his brother, trying to cut him with silver, but eventually Bobby wrestles Sam in one direction while I wrestle Dean in the other, all three of us shouting that Dean’s really Dean.

Sam surrenders with a huge bear hug. When he breaks away, Ruby just kind of stares at all of us. “Maybe I should go…?”

“Sounds like a plan,” I snarl back at her, earning a weird look from Dean and glare from Sam.

We patiently wait as Ruby gathers her things, puts on pants, and says goodbye. When she’s gone, Dean turns on Sam.

“So how many years did you get, Sam? 10? 1?”

Sam’s face contorts in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

“We know about your deal, Sam,” I snap.

“What dea – wait a second, you think I made a deal?” Sam asks.

Bobby nods, “That’s exactly what we think.”

Sam just shakes his head, taking a step back, “Look, I didn’t make a deal. Trust me, I tried, but no demon would deal with me. I’ve been hunting Lilith.”

“Alone?” Dean interjects.

I catch Sam’s eye and give him another glare – apparently, I’m the only one who recognizes Ruby. And apparently, he’s not eager to tell Bobby or Dean about it, so I just keep silent.

“I needed time away,” Sam settles with, still looking at me. I almost detect a little sorrow in his look, but its quickly wiped away as Sam looks back at Dean.

Dean stands from his seat on the couch, rubbing his face, “So away that you couldn’t take Kat or Bobby or s- _someone_? Come on, Sam! You know how dangerous it is to go alone! Especially after a demon like Lilith!”

Instead of arguing, Sam just hangs his head and lets Dean scold him.

“Does raise a sticky question though,” Bobby says. “If Sam didn’t get you out, then who did?”

Sam, Bobby, and I just turn to look at Dean.

He throws up his hands, “I got no idea, okay? All I know is I woke up in a pinebox, everything looked like it had been nuked, and I had funny handprint-blisters on my shoulders.”

“Which leaves us with more educated guesses than fact,” I say, leaning back on the couch. Once again, I debate letting them know the chatter I’ve been hearing, but I decide against it.

The four of us just kind of look at each other before Bobby starts to nod, “I know somebody who might help. Her name’s Pamela – best damn psychic in the state and she’s only about four hours from here.”

Sam and I look at Dean, who just shrugs. “Worth a shot.”

Within four and a half hours, we pull up at Pamela’s. Sam rides in the Impala with Dean, Bobby rides shotgun in the Tahoe with me. The two of us make guess after guess, but nothing we know of has the juice to pull out Dean.

Eventually, we arrive at Pamela’s and the introductions are made. She’s a small woman who looks a little too closely at the boys (especially Dean, which earns a not-so-nice glare from me), but she seems like she knows her stuff.

She explains that she’s been talking to the other side and no one knows what pulled Dean out.

“What’s next?” Bobby asks.

“A séance, I think,” she says, leading us to a back room.

She starts to get her things ready and reaches down into a cabinet for some candles. Dean nudges me and Sam to look at her lower back, which reads, “Jesse Forever.”

Dean smiles and winks at me and I just shake my head. “Don’t you dare…” I start, but Dean can’t resist.

“Who’s Jesse?”

Pamela just starts laughing, “Well it wasn’t forever.”

“His loss,” Dean snips back, still smirking. I just shake my head at him.

“Might be your gain,” Pamela winks as she walks by.

Dean turns to Sam, “Dude, I am _so_ in.”

“She’s going to eat you alive,” Sam retorts, chuckling.

Dean smirks again, “I just got out of jail, bring it.”

Pamela walks by again and winks at Sam, “You’re invited too, grumpy.”

Dean turns to Sam, “You are so not invited.”

I cut Pamela a glare before turning back on Sam and Dean. “Seriously?”

Sam chuckles and follows Pamela into another room. Dean just gives me a small smile, “C’mon, Kat. Don’t get all jealous on me now.”

“I’m not jealous,” I snap. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea to sleep with someone who eats men like you for breakfast.”

“What you mean,” Dean smirks, leaning in closer to me, “Is that you don’t think it’s a good idea for me to sleep with someone other than you.”

“Boy, Hell sure did a number on you.”

Dean just shrugs and stares in my eyes, “It made me a little more blunt, I’ll give you that.”

Pamela clears her throat, “Okay, I need you both in here,” she says, pointing us all to a table and instructs us to sit still and hold hands while she lights the candles.

Dean holds my left hand while Sam holds my right as Pamela lights the candles and takes her seat. “Now, I need something our mystery monster touched,” she says to Dean.

He pulls up the sleeve of his teeshirt and Pamela puts her palm against the blister. I notice that it doesn’t burn her like it did me. Pamela closes her eyes and starts chanting for the monster to appear before her.

I look at Sam and Dean – both of them squeeze my hand reassuringly.

Pamela’s chanting gets louder when a television turns on in the background. I can hear a voice, “ _I am Castiel. Turn away. Do not call to me.”_

She suddenly breaks, “C-Castiel? No, sorry, Castiel, I don’t scare easy.”

“Castiel?” Dean asks.

"You can hear him?" I hiss.

Pamela whispers, “That's its name. And yes, I can hear it. It’s warning me to turn back.”

She starts chanting again, but I can hear the voice of this Castiel, the same one I’ve been hearing the voices talking about, warning her louder and louder.

_ “Turn away now, if I show you my face, the consequences will be disastrous _ .”

But Pamela keeps chanting. I desperately want to tell her to stop, that Castiel is getting aggravated with her, but she's a psychic, she can probably hear everything I can.

Finally, I hear this Castiel give a defeated sigh and a few seconds later Pamela starts screaming.

My eyes fly open, but it’s too late, Pamela sinks to the ground and we can see blood pouring from her… well, what _used_ to be her eyes… Bobby immediately sinks to her side, pulling her into his arms. I look up at Dean as Sam runs to the other room to call 911.

"I can't see! I can't see," Pamela sobs.

I sink back from them, trying hard to calm my own breathing. 

Whatever I’ve been hearing, whoever this Castiel is… It can’t be good.


	5. standing in awe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean touches my shoulder, “You can still leave, you know.”
> 
> I shake my head, “And leave you two by yourselves against a mystery monster? No way.”
> 
> Dean’s hand skates down my shoulder and to my hand, I squeeze his fingers. “I just don’t know what we’re up against here. Hell, it might kill me and I don’t want you in that crossfire.”
> 
> “I’m not going anywhere, Dean.”
> 
> He smirks, “Somehow, I knew you’d say that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: i went back and rewrote this from the beginning, so make sure you reread all of it :)

Hours later, Dean is passed out beside me with some book about demons in his lap. I watch as Sam puts on his boots and jacket, grabbing the keys to the impala.

“Where are you going?” I hiss. "It's the middle of the night."

Sam just looks at me, “To find Ruby.”

I just shake my head. “Why didn’t you tell Dean? Go on, tell him about your mind mojo and how you won’t leave it the hell alone," I taunt.

“I promised him I wouldn’t,” Sam counters, looking at the ground.

“Yeah, I know. I was there. I was also there when you said to hell with it and did it anyway for some demon bitch."

Sam just nods and looks at his feet, “Look, what I did to you was wrong, and I get why you’re pissed and why you don’t like Ruby. But I – I’m not… I just can’t tell Dean yet, okay? I will tell him, but I can’t right now. I gotta find out what’s after him.”

“You think Ruby’s gonna know?” I snap, standing from the couch and crossing my arms.

Sam shrugs, “I don’t know. But it’s worth a shot, Kat. She could've heard someone talking in the pit or something. Just,  _please_ , don’t tell him yet.”

I shake my head and sink back to the couch, “Whatever Sam.”

And just like that, he’s out the door and headed off to see that demon bitch.

I sigh, contemplating calling Bobby and to see if he knows anything. But the voices begin again.

_“Castiel you must take a vessel, you must explain to Dean Winchester what he must do.”_

_“I know. What must be done, brother."_

The second voice is the same one I heard talking to Pamela, I can only assume that this is the Castiel I’ve been hearing about. Instead of clearing my mind, I try to listen a little closer.

_“You rescued him - you must be the one to convey his duties. Have you found a vessel?”_

_“Yes, it won’t be too long until I can speak to Dean Winchester myself.”_

_“Do you anticipate his cooperation?”_

_“He has no choice. Either cooperate or be thrown back into the pit.”_

My eyes snap open on the couch and I push the voices from my mind. It’s easier now that I’ve had a little practice and I can only hope that I’ll be able to flip it on and off like a switch soon.

I take a deep breath and take a beer from the fridge, drinking it quickly.

Perdition. So Castiel was the one who saved Dean from Hell, the one who has plans for him. It still doesn’t answer my question of what the hell Castiel actually  _is_  and how the hell he burned out Pam’s eyes. But it does mean that if Dean doesn't play ball with these bastards, they'll throw him back in Hell. And I will  _not_  let that happen.

I rub Dean’s shoulder to wake up him and he nearly jumps out of his skin. His eyes are bloodshot and he has to look at me for a few minutes as if he’s trying to convince himself that I’m real.

“Pleasant dreams?”                                                                                   

Dean shakes his head, “Like you wouldn’t believe.”

“72 virgins or Jessica Alba?” I ask with a smile.

Dean chuckles in response while I get up to get some coffee. I come back with two steaming mugs and set one in his hands.

“Black?” he asks.

I nod, “Just how you like it.”

Dean smiles softly and takes a sip. “This is comforting.”

“What?”

“I died, went to Hell, came back, and you still can’t make coffee worth a damn,” Dean teases.

I roll my eyes, “Fine. Give it back and I’ll make us margaritas.”

“Where’s Sammy?”

I bite my lip, “Dunno. He was gone when I woke up.”

Dean just shrugs and closes the book on his lap. “Any luck with this Castiel?”

I bite my lip again and sip my coffee, “Nothing.”

Dean rubs his face and then I watch him reach into his pocket for his cell phone.

“What are you doing?”

“Gonna call Bobby – see what he’s got,” Dean replies. “If this Castiel is a demon or reaper or whatever, Bobby’s gonna know how to summon it.”

“Summon it?!” I gasp. “Dean, are you crazy?”

He stops dialing and looks up at me. “What?”

“Dean, that thing  _burned Pamela’s eyes out_. We have no idea what we’re dealing with,” I start to stutter. “We’re outmatched. And we need to get a plan and – “

“And what?” Dean asks. ”You’re right, Y/N. we are outmatched – horribly outmatched. And whatever this  _Castiel_  is, it wants me.”

“What are you saying, Dean?” I question.

“I’m saying that I’m not putting off the inevitable,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m facing it head-on. No point in other people dying because I’m too damn scared to go get whatever’s after me.”

All I can do is stare at him.

He smirks, “So I’ll go call Bobby. He and I will go after whatever this thing is and we’ll feed back info for you to find out how to ice it.”

“Oh no you’re not,” I say, getting closer to his chest. It’s hard to keep my face in a scowl while looking up at him, but I manage.

“I’m not?” Dean asks. There’s a hint of teasing in his tone, but I ignore it.

I mean business. 

“You’re not going to try to gank this thing, Dean."

"Like hell I'm not," he says, raising his voice. "Whatever it wants, I'm not in, I want nothing to do with a monster that burns out people's eyes, Kat."

I bite my lip, I can't let him know that whatever it is will throw him back in the pit.

"You should at least listen to it," I plead. "Whatever it is, it's powerful. It might do well to play ball with it long enough to see what it wants and why it pulled your ass out of the fire."

Dean looks at his lap and purses his lips, "Okay. Fine, I'll see what it wants,  _then_  you'll tell me what to do and I'll gank it."

"Excuse me?"

"You're crazy if you think I'm letting you near this thing," Dean says. "It's dangerous."

"Oh no," I say, sitting down my coffee. "You're not playing that game, Dean Winchester. You're not gonna leave me behind like some little sister. I’m not letting you face this – this  _Castiel_  with just Bobby on your back.”

Dean smirks, “Well if you wanted to come, all you had to do was ask, Kat.”

I roll my eyes, “It's comforting."

"What?"

"You died, went to Hell, and came back. And it  _still_  didn’t improve your sense of humor.”

Dean chuckles and sits back on the pull-out couch, "Touche, Kat."

He reaches for the book as I sit back down. I suddenly freeze at the sound of Castiel’s voice.

“ _Dean Winchester._ ”

Dean grits his teeth and attempts to cover his left ear with his left hand while his right reaches for his sawed-off shotgun. Realizing that he can’t hear Castiel’s smooth voice, I copy his movements rather than give myself away.

 _“This is Castiel, I’m attempting to make contact with you through my true form._ ”

Blood starts to drabble out of one of Dean’s ears as he drops the shotgun and sinks to his knees. I copy him and sink beside him, hoping that my acting classes in high school paid off enough that he can’t tell that I’m not hurting.

The glass in the mirrors starts to break above us and the windows start to crack too. Dean’s eyes widen as he looks at me with gritted teeth. A section of the mirror falls from the ceiling as Castiel still talks, wondering if Dean can hear him. I want to scream profanities at Castiel and yell at him to leave us alone, but that would tip Dean off that I can hear the voices.

So I duck my head.

More sections of the mirror ceiling start to fall and the windows keep cracking as if they’ll burst with one more ounce of pressure. More blood falls from Dean’s ears as he keeps his eyes tightly shut.

“ _Dean_!” I scream, covering my head with my hands.

Dean’s eyes open and his face unclenches long enough to throw his body over mine, covering me from the sections of glass as they burst through the window.

I can’t wait any longer – if Castiel keeps dabbling, Dean’s eardrums are going to burst. But just as I push the two of us (since Dean is protecting/covering me) off of the carpet, my palm slips on a piece of glass and I curse out loud. As soon as my swear leaves my lips, Castiel stops speaking and the room goes quiet.

Bobby bursts through the door and looks around to see the damage of the room before his eyes rest on the two of us. I don’t doubt that he sees the blood rushing from one of Dean’s ears, but I pray that he doesn’t comment on the lack of blood in mine. Thankfully he doesn’t.

“You two okay?”

I look up at Dean and he rolls off of me, nodding. “Think Kat cut herself and I’m bloody, but I think we’re okay.”

Bobby nods and fumbles for a clean hankerchief out of his pocket.

Dean inspects my palm and takes the cloth from Bobby. “It’s not deep enough for stitches,” he comments, wrapping the red cloth around my hand. “But it’s going to hurt like a bitch for a little while.”

I sigh in relief when Dean crushes his body to mine. He talks over my head, explaining to Bobby about summoning this Castiel.

An old abandoned barn sits outside the town. Before Bobby, Dean, and I arrived, it was a normal, run-down old shack that looked as if it hadn’t been used since the Depression. It had probably housed tobacco or corn or hay for some cows on a far off farm that doesn’t exist anymore.

But now, the surface of every wall, floorboard, and ceiling post are covered in every religious symbol the three of us know in every religion we know of. Dean finishes one of the Anasazi symbols and steps back to admire his work.

“Should do it on the symbols,” he comments.

Bobby puts the finishing touches on a Devil’s Trap in front of the barn’s door and stands up, nodding to Dean and I. “Now the exterior?”

Dean shrugs, “Nah. A little salt in front of the door, but it think that’d be enough. If Castiel is a vengeful spirit, we got plenty of iron and rock salt rounds.”

Bobby nods and puts the spray can away. “This is a bad idea.”

Dean rolls his eyes, “You said that.”

“This is a terrible idea,” I chime in.

Dean rolls his eyes again, “You both realize I  _can_  hear you?”

“Yeah,” I snicker. “That makes it worse. Instead of being uninformed-kinda-stupid, you’re doing it on purpose.”

Dean ignores my sass and turns to Bobby, “Wanna ring the dinner bell?”

Bobby surrenders with a sigh and walks to where he was the summoning spell set up.

Dean touches my shoulder, “You can still leave, you know.”

I shake my head, “And leave you two by yourselves against a mystery monster? No way.”

Dean’s hand skates down my shoulder and to my hand, I squeeze his fingers. “I just don’t know what we’re up against here. Hell, it might kill me and I don’t want you in that crossfire.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Dean.”

He smirks, “Somehow, I knew you’d say that.”

He hands me a gun. I look down to see his favorite sawed-off in my hands. “Really?”

Dean nods, “It’s the only one that I’m 100% sure won’t misfire on you.”

I roll my eyes, “Ya know, I made a pretty good reputation for myself while you were gone.”

“I know,” Dean replies. “But you’re not gonna be as good as me, no matter how hard you try. So just take the gun and stand behind me... please," he tacks on as an afterthought.

Bobby finishes the ritual and turns to us before grabbing his own shotgun, “That’s it, kids.”

“So now what?”

“Now, we wait.”

And so we waited. We waited for what felt like hours, but was probably only a few minutes. Dean twiddles the demon blade around his fingers, Bobby checks, re-checks, and double re-checks his weapons, making sure they’re all locked and loaded, I just watch Dean move.

In all honesty, I thought I’d already memorized everything that there was to see about Dean Winchester. In the brief month before he went to Hell, I stared at him often, trying to catalogue every single detail before he was ripped away from me. I had done a pretty good job and the memories had served me well during the four months that he was gone.

But watching Dean twirl the blade between his fingers, occasionally stopping to smirk at me, I realized that there were so many things about Dean that I’d forgotten to remember. Like his freckles, and just  _how green_  his eyes were in the direct light. I had never seen him wear Sam’s clothes, so I got to memorize the way his little brother’s shirts were just a size too big, overwhelming his frame.

“Are you sure you did it right?” Dean asks.

Bobby cuts him a glare.

“Okay, sorry. Touchy, touchy,” Dean says, putting up his hands.

He puts his right hand down on my left thigh and I’m comforted by the warmth. He sits closer to the door than I do – no doubt on purpose.

Just then, the wind picks up, tearing the tin roof almost completely away from the frame of the barn. The three of us jump from our spots on the two tables, loading shotguns and standing ready. The lights burst out of their places, sending sparks down on the three of us. The door at the front of the barn starts to sway, and Dean automatically steps in front of me, shielding me from whatever is about to come through the door. I sigh in relief that I have Bobby and Dean with me, because whatever Castiel is, Dean’s probably not the only one he’s after.

The barn doors burst open and I see the shadow before I see the person.

He wears a long trenchcoat and a blue tie that is loosened around his shoulders, his black hair is long and sticks up at odd angles all over his head. He walks toward us, causing Dean and Bobby to automatically fire rounds into his chest, but he doesn’t slow.

Hell, he doesn’t even flinch.

Dean puts the gun down and his left arm still swells over me, protectively. I see his right grab for the demon knife and put it behind his back.

“Who are you?” Dean asks when the man is close enough.

The man slightly smiles, “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.”

My eyes nearly pop at his choice of words. I’ve heard them before. Sure, it’s not the same voice, but how many people on the planet use the word  _perdition_  in everyday life? I can only guess that it's this guy and his friends.

“You’re Castiel,” I breathe.

He turns his head to look at me behind Dean. He squints at me… almost as if he…  _knows_  me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Dean’s hand flex around the demon blade.

Without warning, Dean rears back as hard as he can, sinking the demon blade deep into Castiel’s chest. Castiel tears his glance from me and looks down at the blade as if he’s amused. Dean backs away and stares, pushing me against the table so that he stands between me and Castiel.

Castiel pulls the knife out of his chest unceremoniously and to my surprise, there’s no blood on the silver.

I see Bobby move toward Castiel with a piece of iron and he raises it as if to strike the man. Castiel reaches up, anticipating Bobby’s move, grabs the iron, and gently touches two fingers to Bobby’s forehead. I don't know how, but I manage to suppress a scream as Bobby crumples to the ground.

Castiel looks down at him and then back up to Dean. His eyes flicker toward me, I notice they’re a bright blue.

“We need to talk, Dean.” His eyes flicker to me, “ _Alone_.”

Dean’s arm curls around me protectively. “You’re not killing her.”

“Your friend is not dead,” Castiel says, leafing through one of the books on the table. “I do not wish to kill your other friend either.”

“Then she stays,” Dean growls.

I shake my head, “No, it’s fine, I-I can take Bobby and – “

“You’re staying with me, Kat,” Dean says.

At the mention of my name, Castiel’s head picks up and he looks at me, giving me the look as if he knows me again.

“Who are you?” Dean asks.

“I am Castiel.”

Dean rolls his eyes, I can almost feel the annoyance coming off of him. “I got that. I mean  _what_  are you?”

Castiel’s eyes do the narrow-squint thing, “I’m an angel of the Lord.”

I snort, “Yeah, right.”

“There’s no such thing,” Dean finishes.

Castiel smiles, “This is your problem. You have no faith.”

He smiles wider and takes a step back from us. Suddenly, lightning and thunder come from nowhere and illuminate the interior of the barn. Dean and I look around, to each other, and finally back to Castiel. My mouth drops open at the sight of him.

Behind the trenchcoated man are two  _wings_ , but they don’t look like any wings I’ve ever seen on any angel in any drawing. They look more like a shadow of wings than the white feathery things I’ve seen in books all of my life. The lightning flashes twice as the wings unfurl from behind Castiel. Their expansion takes up most of the barn.

I gasp as I take in the form of them. They’re beautiful, like nothing I’ve ever seen before.

And nothing I hope to ever see again.

 


	6. have faith in me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We're here for Katherine... She has to die."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I skipped a few episodes, this occurs around 4.09, the episode where they discover Anna Milton.

It's been weeks since Castiel told Dean that the armies of Heaven “had work for him,” but the words are still embedded in my brain. They haunt my mind, giving me scenarios that are impossible. I've imagined everything from becoming God, killing the Devil, to destroying the world. It hasn't been good for my sleeping habits. But then again, none of us are sleeping well these days. 

Bobby insists on working every chance he can get, taking jobs everywhere and with all kinds of people. I think he just needs something else to focus on, but he won't talk to any of us, so we just let him be. Sam is too busy researching angels and seals and the apocalypse for sleep, but I manage to coax a few hours out of him every so often. 

Dean rarely sleeps, ever. He pours over books, over signs, trying to decide where Lilith will strike next. When he does sleep, it's fitful, full of nightmares, and he never makes it out of his jeans and teeshirt unless I make him. Honestly, I don't sleep very well unless he's there with me, so I make alot of excuses to get him to hold me while I sleep.

Now that I know I’m hearing the angels speak, I’ve gotten better and better at turning off the voices – they just say the same things, again and again. Where is Dean? What is he doing? Is he stopping the seals? Has he stopped his brother? Again, and again, and again. I get bored with the same conversations. Occasionally they talk about what a beacon of hope that Dean is, and I make sure to listen to those and remember them so whenever I finally tell Dean about the angels, I can tell him how much they like him.

Of course, they don’t like Sam, but he’s been bff’s with a demon, I’m not really fond of him right now either.

I keep meaning to tell Dean about the voices I hear, the angels, but there’s always something else going on. First it was stopping the seals, then Castiel told Dean he had to stop Sam too. I figure he has enough on his plate without worrying about why I can hear the angels speak – I just have to be careful in not mentioning anything I’m not supposed to know, _especially_ in front of Castiel.

I sit on the bed in my room of Bobby’s house and wait for Dean to come upstairs. He hasn’t been sleeping much since he got out of Hell, and I make a point to make him go to bed at a certain time each night, hoping his body gets used to it and gets a regular amount of sleep.

He walks up the stairs and trumps into my room, sluggish and tired. He plops on the bed and begins pulling at his boots so I sit behind him and start to massage his shoulders. He rolls his neck and turns his head toward me, pressing his forehead to mine.

“You take such good care of me, Kat.”

I kiss his cheek and smile against the skin.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to return the favor,” he mumbles.

I wrap my arms around his shoulders, “Dean, you’ve had enough on your shoulders without worrying about me.”

He puts his hands on top of my arms, “Everything is going to be okay, you know. We’ll stop Lilith, the seals, all of it.”

I kiss his cheek again, “I know, Dean. I know.”

He takes a deep breath, “Maybe you should go. Bobby’s friend has that cabin in Montana, it’d be good of you to –“

I start to laugh, “Dean, I’m fine. Just because things get a little crazy doesn’t mean I’m going to run off.”

Dean turns in my arms so that he is facing me, “Kat. I just – I don’t want anything to happen to you, okay?”

I giggle, “I’m fine, Dean. Nothing is going to happen to me as long as I’m with you boys.”

Dean pushes his lips gently to mine and I can feel his hands twist to grip my long, dark hair. I gently moan against his mouth when the voices begin again, with authority.

_“How can he resist us?”_

_“Does he not realize that we know what he has done in Hell?”_

_“Does he not realize that he was first?”_

They speak in outage inside my head and I break from Dean with a cry.

I open my eyes and I can see Dean’s mouth moving and it _looks_ like he’s calling my name, but all I can hear are the angry voices in my head. I feel his hands on my shoulders and neck as I try blocking out the angels, but nothing is working. I cry out for them to stop, plead with them to shut up.

And they suddenly stop. In fact, they stop so suddenly and so completely that the silence inside my head is deafening for a few seconds until I can focus on Dean yelling my name.

“Kat! Kat, baby! _Please_ tell me what’s going on!?”

I nod, “I-I’m okay now, I’m fine.” My breath comes in gasps.

I look up to see Sam and Bobby standing in the doorway, both with concerned looks on their faces. “I’m okay, I’m good.”

“Those haven’t been just plain old headaches you’re complaining about, are they?” Bobby asks.

I weakly smile, “Are you going to believe me if I say yes?”

All three of them frown and shake their heads.

“What are you hearing?” Dean asks, rubbing my hands.

I look away from them all, “The angels.”

Dean’s eyes narrow at me, “Excuse me?”

I take a deep breath, “The angels. I can hear them talking.”

“Talking? When did it start?” Sam asks.

“The day Dean was pulled out of the pit,” I admit.

“What?” Dean asks with surprise.

I take a deep breath, “The first words I heard were ‘Dean Winchester is saved.’ Bobby was talking at the time, so I thought he said something to me. Next morning, Dean shows up and then everybody started talking at once. I could hear Castiel through Pamela’s séance, I could hear him talking to Dean in that motel, and I can hear the others talk about their plans for you and what happened down in Hell.”

Dean’s eyes go wide at the last few words and his voice drops, “What do you know a-about tha-that?”

I shake my head, “Nothing. I just know _something_ , but that’s it.”

“Dean,” Sam softly says. “This is bad. Very bad.”

“Yeah, no shit,” I mutter.

“If the demons find out that you can hear angels, kid,” Bobby starts. “Who knows what they’ll do to get the angel radio on their side.”

I look down at my feet, I hadn’t even considered that possibility yet. “We can’t tell anyone.”

“No,” Dean says. “Maybe we should tell Cas. He might know why or how to turn it off.”

I shake my head, “I don’t think we should, Dean. I have a bad feeling.”

“What about Ruby?” Sam offers.

“Oh sure, let’s call up the Hell Bitch and see what state secrets she’d like to spill to the enemy,” I hiss.

Dean nods, agreeing with me. “I don’t like that plan either.”

Sam rolls his eyes, “I know neither of you trust her, but she’s proven herself to me, over and over again, okay?”

“What do you think, Bobby?” I ask.

Bobby shrugs, “I got no idea, kids. I think I’d much rather tell Ruby than Castiel.”

I roll my eyes, “Fine, call up the Hell Bitch.”

“Don’t call her that,” Sam mutters. I just ignore him.

Ruby tells us the location of an old church building that she knows and agrees to meet us upstairs. Bobby agrees to stay behind, just in case something goes awry and the three of us pile in the Impala.

Dean is impatient and nervous, driving way too fast and cutting the radio after a couple of mediocre songs. Sam bends over a book he brought with him, trying to find out how someone could tune into angel radio like I can.

I sit in the backseat, trying to hear what the angels are talking about, but they’re silent – it unnerves me. Could they hear me shouting back at them? It’s the first time I’ve ever attempted to communicate back with them.

After a few hours, Dean pulls into the parking lot of the church and immediately heads to the trunk, pulling out weapons. I chuckle at him and lean against the Impala.

“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you don’t trust me,” Ruby’s voice calls from across the parking lot.

I see Dean’s smile turn into a frown of disgust as he turns to see Ruby, “Ah, if it isn’t my least favorite hell bitch.”

I chuckle at Dean using my pet name for Ruby.

“You asshats called me, remember?”

When I first turn around, I expect to see the face of the pretty brunette that Ruby is possessing. I do not expect to see the red eyes and black, darkened face of something terrifying. To be honest, it frightens me more than anything I’ve ever seen in my life.

“What the hell?” I exclaim, pointing to her face. “You – you’re …”

Dean’s hands are on my shoulders in an instant, “Red eyes? Black face?” I nod at each question.

Dean crushes my head to his chest, “It’s okay. That’s just the demon, you can see the demon face, relax, Kat.”

Ruby turns to Sam, “Looks like something horrible. Did she make a deal too?

Sam shakes his head, “We need some information.” Ruby nods, so Sam continues. “You know the angels communicate on their own network, right?”

Ruby nods, “We talked about this, angel radio or whatever.”

“Right,” Sam says. “Is it possible for a… non-angel to be able to tune in?”

Ruby narrows her eyes, “I don’t think so, Sam. Why? Are you two trying to tune it?”

Sam shakes his head and I step forward. “I have it.”

Ruby gasps and widens her eyes at me, “You what?”

“I can hear the angels talking,” I say. “But I don’t know what that means.”

“How long?”

I shrug, “The day before Dean got out of Hell.”

Ruby starts to shake her head and looks at the boys. “Does anyone else know about this?”

Dean shakes his head, “No. Just you and us and Bobby.”

“Keep it that way. The demons are already trying to find ways to hijack the other side,” Ruby explains. “If they figure out she can hear the angel speak…”

“Then what?” Dean snarls.

“Let’s just say it’ll be messy for everyone involved,” Ruby finishes with a sarcastic half-smile. She turns to me, “You need to hide, pronto. I’m already being watched.” She looks around and the color drains out of her face, “Son of a bitch.”

“What?” I say grabbing her arms.

She turns to Dean, “Guess who’s here.”

Dean looks across the parking lot to see two tall men rise up, he turns to me and Ruby. “The church, _hide her_! We’ll fend them off and then you _have_ to go!”

Ruby pulls on my arm towards the church, but Dean quickly grabs me and pulls me in for a quick kiss before letting me go. Ruby pulls me toward the church and I start to run, keeping up with her as we race inside and hide.

“They may not even know that it’s you,” she whispers. If I concentrate really hard, I can see the brunette host’s features through the demons. It makes her a little more tolerable. “They may not have heard that much.”

“Where are we going to go?” I hiss.

Ruby turns to me and smiles mischievously, “Out the backdoor, duh.”

…

The rain pours on the old cabin in the middle of bum fuck nowhere. It’s a good thing we’re out in the middle of the woods with no neighbors, because I’m sure if we did, they’d be able to hear Ruby and I screaming at each other.

“Of course I’m leaving you here,” Ruby repeats.

“I can’t let you do that,” I reply, standing from my seat on top of the table. “Those are _my_ boys. Risking their _asses_ for _me_. I’m not just going to hide away in some cabin.”

“Yes,” Ruby nods, “you are. You’re going to stay right here and _I’m_ going to get Sam and Dean.”

“No,” I say again.

Ruby narrows her eyes at me and starts to laugh, “You really don’t know how deep you’re in here, do you?”

I just stare at her and wait for her to continue.

“Kat, whatever you did to flip on the radio switch, the demons are gonna wanna know how,” she says. “And as soon as the angels find out, they’re gonna wanna take you back. Either way, you’ve stepped in it here.”

“But I didn’t do _anything_ ,” I yell, throwing my hands up. “I was just a normal girl!”

Ruby takes a deep breath, “Look, I know we’re not exactly friends. You hate my guts and I’m not fond of you either. But I don’t exactly want to hand you over to either side, okay?”

Against my better judgment, I nod, agreeing with her.

“Something happened to flip on the switch, and we gotta figure it out.”

“I don’t even know where to start,” I say, putting my face in my hands.

Ruby faintly smiles, “I got a few sources I can check. Will you be okay by yourself for a few hours while I go? I’ll let Sam and Dean know where you are.”

I nod, “I can handle that.”

She smiles and walks out of the cabin, into the pouring rain, leaving me by myself.

For the first time in hours, I hear the angels start to talk again. One by one, they join in on the conversation. I pick out Castiel’s voice and I focus on that and whoever he’s talking to.

 _“I do not believe he has told them.”_ Castiel speaks.

_“I don’t suppose I would want anyone to know that deep, dark secret either.”_

_“I am not even sure that Dean knows the consequences of his actions in Hell.”_

_“How can he not?_ Torturing _souls isn’t something that someone exactly forgets.”_

My eyes burst open as I focus more intensely on the voices. Dean? Torturing people?

_“Be fair, Uriel. Dean Winchester suffered for more than 30 years of torture himself. Lesser men would have bailed, if they had been given the option.”_

_“Dean Winchester was not supposed to be a lesser man.”_

There is silence on Castiel’s end for a few seconds. 30 years of torture… I almost wanted to cry at the thought of someone torturing Dean.

_“He is human. 30 years of constant torture would make anyone break – including us.”_

_“They say that he enjoyed it.”_

Castiel is silent for a few seconds more, confirming Uriel’s suspicion.

I gasp. Dean tortured souls in Hell – enjoyed it, even. He didn’t even tell me or Sam. I’m too dazed to even think. I turn off the angel radio and sit back on the table of the cabin in silence.

…

It’s nightfall when Ruby returns. She looks anxious and I consider asking her why, but then I realize I don’t really care. The only thing I can think to ask her is if she knows what happened to Dean in Hell.

“What’s wrong with you?” Ruby asks. “You’re not your usual, chatty Cathy self.”

“Do you know what Dean did in Hell?” I snap.

Ruby’s eyes briefly meet mine before she drops her gaze to the floor in front of us. “Yes, I heard talk while I was in the pit.”

I scoff, “I heard talk amongst the angels.”

We stay silent until Sam and Dean arrive.

Dean bursts through the door and I notice he has blood on his face, his shirt. Before I can comment, he pulls me into his chest and kisses my forehead, sighing in relief. “I’m so glad you’re safe. I won't let _anything_ hurt you." 

I squeeze him tightly – my angel eavesdropping can wait until later.

We stay quiet for a few more seconds before Ruby tenses up again. As soon as she tenses, I can feel it too.

“Do you guys feel that?” Ruby asks the group.

I turn to the west and nod, “Something is coming.”

“Where’s the demon knife?” Ruby asks. “I’ll hold of Alistair and you guys can split.”

Dean rubs the back of his neck, “Look… about that…”

“You _lost_ it?” Ruby explodes. For a second, I think she might wrestle Dean from me and kill him herself.

“There’s no time for that,” I hiss. “They’re almost here.”

“Sam,” Dean says. “Salt rounds.”

Sam hands him his sawed-off and takes the other, both standing in front of me. Ruby stands next to me and grabs my wrist.

The doors fly open, but it’s not Alistair (whoever that is) that comes through. It’s Castiel and another man in a suit. While Castiel is messy hair and a loose tie, the other man is all business in his suit and short haircut.

“Castiel,” Sam nods to the angel. “You brought a friend.”

“I’m Uriel,” the man says, nodding to Sam and Dean.

So he was the one who’s voice I heard talking to Castiel earlier in the day.

“Dean,” Castiel begins, looking at me. “We’re here for Katherine… she has to die.”


	7. planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What the hell you talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?” Dean spits.
> 
> I catch Ruby rolling her eyes, “Your boyfriend sure has a thing for trying to piss off angels, doesn’t he?”
> 
> I shrug, “Dean really has a thing for trying to piss off everyone he doesn’t like.”
> 
> “You can have Kat… Over my dead body,” Dean snarls.
> 
> I can hear Uriel’s chuckle, “We may be able to arrange that.”

The angels start talking to Sam and Dean as Ruby’s grip tightens on my wrist. She pulls me to my right and I notice the side door. She pulls me through it and locks the door – although I’m not really sure why.

“You’re not taking her,” we can hear Sam hiss.

“You don’t have a choice,” Uriel says. “Katherine is not as innocent as she appears.”

“What the hell you talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?” Dean spits.

I catch Ruby rolling her eyes, “Your boyfriend sure has a thing for trying to piss off angels, doesn’t he?”

I shrug, “Dean really has a thing for trying to piss off everyone he doesn’t like.”

“You can have Kat… Over my dead body,” Dean snarls.

I can hear Uriel’s chuckle, “We may be able to arrange that.”

“Can’t you think of anything to get rid of them?” I hiss at Ruby.

She holds up her hands, “I didn’t even know angels _existed_ until two weeks ago, now you expect me to know the spells that send them upstairs? Seriously?”

And then it clicks. “A spell,” I whisper.

Without even thinking about it, a symbol appears in my head. I see a woman, and I automatically know she is me. But I’m different. I’m wearing clothes that look like they belong in the 80’s – skinny jeans, a leather jacket, leg warmers, big blonde hair that’s teased all over my head. I see myself drawing the symbol in my own blood and them putting my bloody palm to it.

I don’t know how I know, but somehow I know that it’ll send the angels away.

I grab the knife out of my boot and slice open my arm. I draw the symbol on the backside of the door and ignore Ruby’s protests. When the symbol looks like the one in my head, I take a deep breath and press my palm in the center of the circle, just as I saw myself do in the memory.

Something flashes from the middle of the symbol, out of the corner of my eye I see Ruby put her hands over her face to shield her from the bright light. I can hear Sam and Dean exclaim from the next room. I pull my hand down from the symbol and look for something to cover it with and ignore Ruby’s stare and open mouth.

Sam and Dean bust the door to our room down and stare at me, the symbol, and my bloodied arm. Dean retrieves a handkerchief from his jacket and wraps it around the cut. He grabs the back of my neck and gently pulls me to him. His tone is desperate, urgent, “Kat, what did you do?”

I shrug, “I just saw the symbol in my head. Somehow I knew it would work.”

The two of us just stare at each other for a few seconds – I get the feeling that Dean doesn’t believe me.

“They’re not gonna stay gone long,” Ruby comments, breaking our stare. “Got a backup plan?”

Sam nods and looks at Dean, “We’ve gotta get her somewhere safe.”

Dean nods, “Do the angels know about Bobby’s yet?”

* * *

I sit at the edge of Bobby’s panic room, close to the doorway. Ruby sits on the outside of the door, watching me. She hasn’t said much since we got to Bobby’s, which is fine with me. I’m almost starting to like her and it irks me. So I look at her every so often and toy with making her true face appear over the body she’s possessing. I get pretty good at it and it earns me more than one internal chuckle.

Sam and Dean are upstairs and I can hear them shuffling around every so often. They said they’re looking for something to protect me, but I’m not allowed up there in case the angels can see what I’m doing via the radio waves. Sitting down here, practically useless, irks me more than almost being nice to Ruby.

Thankfully, I hear the heavy footfalls of Sam and Dean’s boots trudging down the stairs. Ruby looks up and stands aside so the two of them can come into the panic room with me. Sam carries a file and Dean carries a very worried look.

“So get this,” Sam says, holding up the file. “We found something that could help.”

I nod for him to continue and stand from the bed.

“Says here that when you were a toddler, you claimed you had another father and that he was mad at you,” Sam says. He looks sad, like he doesn’t want to reveal this information.

“I don’t remember that.”

Sam nods, “I didn’t figure. Your parents took you to a psychiatrist in Kentucky and it says that they helped you repress it.”

I don’t remember it, but it makes sense. My father never really wanted to be around me, part of the reason my mother divorced him. Dean already knows this, and I’m sure that information only added to Sam’s credibility of the theory.

“So what are we going to do?” I ask, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

Dean takes a deep breath, “We think Pamela can unlock the memories, tell us what really happened. She might even be able to tell us why you can hear the angels and whatever wrong thing you did that pissed’em off.”

I nod, “Okay, bring her down here.”

Within a few hours, Pamela is led down the stairs and into the panic room. She makes another jab about Sam’s ass, but to my surprise, she doesn’t comment on Dean’s. Which is good, I’d hate to smack a blind lady.

“Think you can tell us what’s up?” Dean asks, sitting her down in a chair next to the bed.

She nods, “Katherine, just lie down on the bed and we’ll get started.”

I do as I’m told and close my eyes. She instructs me to take deep breaths, to gently fall asleep. I do as she says, within seconds I’m drifting and dreaming.

“Deep sleep,” she soothes. “Can you hear me?”

“I can hear you,” I say. My voice is monotone, but I’m feeling so peaceful that it doesn’t bother me.

“Good,” she says. “Now Katherine, tell me. How can you hear the angels? How did you work that spell?”

“I don’t know,” I numbly reply. “I just did.”

“Your father, what’s his name?”

“Jim Harris.”

“Okay, I want you to look back farther, when you were a baby.”

I start to shake my head, “No.”

But Pamela keeps insisting, “Who’s your real dad, Katherine? Why is he angry with you?”

Behind my closed lids, I see anger. Pure, white hot anger, at _me_. I see images, of me, of other beings. Images of war, of wrong, of killing. I feel like something’s wrong. I feel pain in my chest, like someone’s stabbing me over and over again. Then I feel like I’m falling.

“NO!” I scream, over and over. I can feel my body start to flop around on the bed and Pamela trying to soothe me.

“He’s going to kill me!”

“Katherine, you’re safe, you’re okay!”

I hear her say Dean’s name, but I don’t know where he is.

Pamela instructs me to wake up and calls my name.

I open my eyes. The feelings are gone, the pain is gone. I look down at my chest, but there’s no blood. The pain was all in my head – in my memories. All at once, the memories flood my mind – it’s a little overwhelming and when I open my eyes, I see Sam, Dean, Ruby, and Pamela with worried expressions on their faces.

“Are you alright?”

I sit up from the bed, “Thank you. I remember everything now.”

“Remember what?” Sam asks.

“Who I am,” I say.

Dean is breathless, holding a cloth to a bloodied nose, “Alright, Kat. Who are you?”

I look at the ground before meeting his eyes, “I’m an angel.”

I can see Pamela recoil from me and stand back – I can’t really blame her after what Castiel did to her.

Ruby puts up her hands and backs away from the door, “You _can’t_ be serious.”

I nod, “I remember everything.”

Silence settles over the few of us for a few seconds and I close my eyes, remembering the things that Pamela had just unlocked for me. I stand up from the bed and pace a few steps so that I can see them all without turning my head. There are things to do.

“So Castiel and Uriel are the ones that came for me?” I ask them.

“Do you know them?” Sam asks.

I nod, “Yes. We were in the same garrison – er, battalion.”

Mentioning our garrison brings on another surge of memories – painful ones. Dean’s the only one that notices my cringe, his hands tighten on the cloth in his hands.

“So they were your bosses or something?” Sam asks.

I shake my head and half-smile, “Try the other way around.”

Dean nods, “They… they wanna kill you, Kat.”

I just nod in response. Of course they do. If the shoe were on the other foot, I’d want to kill them too.

“Got a clue why?” Dean asks.

I nod, “Orders are orders. I’m sure every angel is looking for me.”

“Why?” Pamela asks.

A small smile creeps to my lips. “I disobeyed. Which is the worst thing an angel can do. I fell.”

“What does that mean?” Sam asks.

“She fell to earth, became human,” Pamela clarifies.

“I don’t understand,” Dean interjects, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Angels can just _become human_?”

“It hurts a little,” I joke. They don’t smile. “It’s like cutting out your kidney with a butter knife. I carved out my grace and I fell.”

“What?”

“My grace – it’s what makes me an angel.”

The three of them stare at me, but Dean’s gaze is the only one I hold. I wish I knew what to say, I wish I had been able to tell him sooner, but I honestly didn’t know. I’m not sure if he realizes that I had no idea.

“I don’t think you guys realize just how screwed we are here,” Ruby interjects. “Heaven wants her dead and Hell wants her. A real-live angel that you can torture for information?”

Dean’s hands tighten on the arms of his chair and his face contorts, but Ruby doesn’t stop. She turns to me and puts a hand on her hip, “Sister, you’re the Stanley Cup. Sooner or later, they’re going to find you.”

“I know,” I say. “That’s why we’re going to take the fight to them.”

“How?” Ruby asks, crossing her arms. "We don't have the juice."

I smile at her and look at Dean, “We’re going to find my grace and I’m going to become an angel again.”

Sam’s voice is low, “Then what happens?”

I turn and face the window, I don’t want any of them to see the anger on my face. Anger for them hurting Dean, Sam, Ruby, anger for what they’ve done since I left the garrison, anger for their blind obedience.

“When I’m at full power, I’m going to kill them.”

And so the search began. Once Sam figured out that my grace would have fallen like a meteorite, he got to work. He and Ruby started pouring after books, records, anything they could get their hands on while Dean took Pamela home. I considered going with them, and I considered helping Sam and Ruby, but I needed time to be alone.

So I wandered out into Bobby’s Salvage Yard.

I walk between the cars, looking into the ones that I had personally helped fix. I pass the old Ford sitting in the garage, the same place it has sat since the day before Dean was released from Hell. I had fully planned on finishing restoring it, but now I doubt that being an angel will leave me time for much of anything else.

The sky catches my attention and I notice how truly beautiful the sky is from this vantage point – memories of seeing the sky from above flood my mind. I can remember pointing out the different constellations to Castiel, many years before men would find names for them. I begin to study the sky, making note of all the different constellations I see.

Alone, dread starts to fill me. I know that if I take back my grace and don’t kill Castiel and Uriel, they will take me back. All the emotions from before I fell pulse through me, reminding me of why I decided to come to Earth in the first place. And besides that, there’s no telling what the bastards will do if they take me alive – I know it won’t be fun.

The rumble of the Impala rolls up the driveway and I catch myself smiling. He gets out of the vehicle and notices me leaning against one of the cars. It’s not long before I can feel his body next to mine.

“You okay?”

I tear my eyes from the sky and look up at him, “Yeah, are you?”

He nods and his eyes flitter to the stars. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, Dean,” I say, reaching down and grabbing one of his warm hands.

“Do you know what they want me for? The angels, I mean. Why did they save me?”

I shrug, “No. They haven’t talked about that and it was after I fell.”

“That’s something else,” he says, eyes locking on mine. “Why would you do that? Why would you want to be human?”

I look away from him and start to smile, “I see things in humanity that I didn’t see in angels. Loyalty, love, forgiveness, compassion… all of it. all of the emotions.”

“Emotions?”

I look back at him, “Yeah, even the bad ones. That’s why I became human. That’s why I don’t want to go back.”

“Wow,” Dean breathes, his gaze going back to the stars.

“I was stationed on Earth for 2000 years,” I tell him. “Just watching. Silent and invisible. I missed my family, I missed my father, all of it. I could see the humans, how much they loved, how much they felt.”

Dean chuckles a little, "Is that why you disobeyed?"

I shake my head, "No."

I take a deep breath, "Becoming human was a choice. I could either stay an angel and die for my disobedience, or become human and run away forever. I chose the latter."

"So why did you disobey?"

My hands clench up at the memory, I drop Dean's hand. "It's complicated."

Dean wraps an arm around my shoulder, "So tell me."

"My garrison was stationed on Earth, carrying out orders from on high," I begin. "Sometimes the orders made sense - actually,  _most_ of the times the orders made sense. But orders were orders, so we did what we were supposed to do anyway. But one day, the order didn't make sense at all. It was cruel, and I refused to order my garrison to do it."

"What was it?"

I look at my feet, "We had to smite an entire city." I look up at Dean and I can feel hot tears press against my eyes, "I couldn't do it. There were too many good people there, Dean. I couldn't kill all of them."

Dean's eyes narrow, "How can angels be smiting people and nobody picks up on it?"

I sniffle, "Ever heard of some weather-incident being called "An Act of God'?"

Dean nods.

I raise my eyebrows, waiting for him to get it. When he does, his face contorts in anger and I can feel him tense around me.

"I couldn't do it after that."

Dean opens his mouth to say something, but Sam calls us from the house, “We think we found it!”

…

But we don’t find my grace.

We find an old barn that was nearby and get out of the Impala to talk out our next move. Dean and Ruby argue over what to do, so I just sit aside and try to think. Ruby’s right, I can’t just “mojo-up” and protect everyone – of course, I’m still a hunter, but I’m almost more useless than I was before.

Their arguing gets louder and louder, but I can hear voices on another wavelength of my brain. Having a better grasp of how to control it, I lash out at the argument in the room and turn up the volume in my head.

“What’re they saying?” Sam asks.

I shake my head and try to focus. “It’s weird, like-like a loop, over and over. It says, ‘Dean Winchester gives us Katherine by midnight, or…” I take a deep breath and look at Dean, tears start to flood my eyes. “Or we hurl him back to damnation.”

Dean starts to panic, his eyes go wide and his whole body tenses.

“Kat,” Sam urgently says. “What can kill an angel?”

I look up at him, “Nothing we have right now. It would take too long to get something like that.”

Sam swears under his breath, Dean starts to speak in panicked rambles. The two start to argue again. I try not to listen, but something Ruby said earlier sticks in my mind.

 _We can fight heaven or hell, but not both, not together_.

She was right. Between the four of us, taking on the two sides together is damn near impossible. But maybe… maybe the four of us don’t necessarily need to be in the equation.

I get up from my seat and put hands on Dean’s chest, pushing him away from Sam.

“It’s going to be okay,” I soothe. I look at Ruby, “I have an idea.”

…

With little else left to do, I walk out to where Dean is hovering over the hood of the Impala. I know he’s out here because he wants to be alone, but I can’t resist talking to him. Who knows when I’ll have another chance?

Dean’s head picks up when he sees me, “Hey, Kat. You doin’ okay?”

I nod and smile, leaning against the Impala. “About as good as can be expected. Just a little scared.”

Dean leans up from the car and opens his arms to me, “Kat, you know I’m not going to let anything hurt you, right?”

I nod against his chest, “You know I’m not going to let them take you back, right?”

Dean chuckles and looks down at me, “I had a feeling.”

I take a deep breath and lean back, my thoughts drifting again. “Maybe I don’t deserve to be saved, maybe I deserve whatever punishment they give me.”

Dean’s eyes narrow and his fingers grip my shoulder, “Don’t talk like that.”

I cut my eyes up, “Dean, I disobeyed. _Lucifer_ is the only other angel to do that. It’s a death sentence, and I knew it. Maybe I’ve gotta pay.”

Dean’s eyes glance away from me, “Well, maybe we’ve all done things we’ve gotta pay for.”

I take a step closer to him, “Dean, I need to tell you something.”

“What, Kat?”

I take a deep breath, “I know what happened in Hell. Dean… It wasn’t your fault, baby.”

Dean shakes his head, “I-uh, I don’t wanna… I can’t talk about it.”

“I know,” I say, gently touching his face. “But when you do, when you can, we’re still going to love you.”

“How can you?” Dean asks, his voice cracking. “After what I –“

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me, gently kissing his lips. When I pull back, I press my forehead to his.

“I waited thousands of years for you, Dean. I know that now. I remember every day, waiting for someone to love me like the humans loved each other,” I begin. “I didn’t realize it, but I was waiting for you.”

Dean’s hands find the small of my back and he gently pulls me closer, as if he’s trying to memorize the way my body feels against his – maybe he is. I run my hands down his neck, to where it connects with his shoulders and he shudders beneath my touch.

“I’ll go back there before I let them take you,” he whispers.

I just pull him in for another kiss. It’s deeper this time, and I can feel the passion radiate through Dean’s limbs as he runs his hands inside my thick jacket and down the sides of my hips.

He suddenly pulls away from me and turns to the Impala, shrugging out of his jacket and plaid overshirt before putting it all the way toward the side opposite of us. When I realize what he’s doing, I shrug out of my jacket and hand it to him, trying not to shiver in the cold. He takes it from me and when he’s done arranging it, he steps out of the way so I can climb in.

“In the Impala?” I breathe.

Dean chuckles, “Figure it’s as good of a reason as any to break her in.”

“You mean you’ve never -- ?”

Dean blushes a little, “Nah.”

He lays me gently in the backseat and words are suddenly forgotten. He gently eases himself down to me and kisses my lips softly, his hands bracing himself on the seat beside me. My hands venture from his hair to his shoulders and down his arms, pausing when I feel the heat from the faint blisters on his shoulders.

I reach under his arms and pull for his black teeshirt, almost giggling when he helps me and takes it off himself, sitting it and his necklace in the back glass. He reaches down to meet my lips again and this time, my hand reaches right for the handprint on his shoulder – the one Castiel left. Dean looks down at my hand and how much bigger the print is than my hand. He looks back at me and kisses me again, this time with little intention of stopping.

He furthers the kiss, his tongue running along my bottom lip. I moan into his mouth, granting him access to my own tongue. His hands run along my hips, grabbing my shirt and breaking the kisses only to pull it up over my head. I smile up at him as he crushes himself to me again.

I start to fiddle with his belt and jeans. Dean recognizes what I want and pulls back, taking them off himself, while I make quick work of my pants and underwear and bra. Dean smiles when he sees me and lowers his body to mine.

It’s not the first time Dean and I have ever made love, but something is different about tonight. There’s a sense of urgency in his touches, in my kisses, and in the gentle rhythm of his hips meeting mine. There are no words spoken between us, but I can easily pick out what his body is trying to say to mine.

When we come together, we breathe a mixture of his name, mine, you're mine forevers, I need yous, and oh my God. He shifts so that I’m lying on top of him and he reaches into the floorboard for an emergency blanket. He drapes it over the two of us while I try to calm my heartrate.

He kisses my forehead and presses my face to his chest before running his fingers through my hair.

“Did you mean it?” he whispers in the dark.

“What?” I breathe.

He pauses with his hand on the back of my head, “When you said you’ve been waiting for me?”

“Mhm,” I mumble against his skin. “You are the only man I’ve never needed like this, Dean.”

Most women would wait for Dean Winchester to say that he loved them back. In fact, most women have spent most of their lives waiting for Dean Winchester to say he loved them back. But I don't. That’s simply not his style. But when Dean whispered against my forehead that he would rather go back to Hell than see them hurt me, I could hear love in every syllable.


	8. useful again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Instantly, I can feel my wings from base to tip as they unfurl behind me, releasing even more pleasure and power through my body. the grace inside me heats up, finding the old cells it used to inhabit, filling every pore and gaining more power as it does. My body starts to alight, my wings start to become more visible as I look up and see Dean staring at me.

I wake up curled onto Dean’s chest, surrounded by his warmth and the blanket. It’s not the first time I’ve ever woken up like this, sore and content, but something about right now, with Dean, makes it a little sweeter than normal.

It takes me a few seconds to realize how tense Dean is beneath me.

I sit up on my elbows and look down at him. His mouth starts to twitch like he’s going to smile and I wonder how ridiculous my post-sex-we-were-so-tired-we-fell-asleep hair looks like.

“Good morning,” I mumble, leaning down to kiss his cheek.

“Mornin’,” he replies.

“Something wrong?”

Dean takes a deep breath, “Uriel came to my dream last night.”

I grimace and move to sit up, Dean does the same so that we’re facing each other in the backseat. “What did he say?”

Dean looks down at where he holds my hands, “Just bein’ a dick.”

I roll my eyes, “Yeah that sounds like Uriel. What happened?”

“Made a couple jabs at you, threatened me with Hell.”

I just shake my head and run my fingers through my hair. “Sounds like he was trying to get a rise out of you.”

“Well it worked,” Dean grumbles. “I’m going to kill that bastard.”

I chuckle, “Did you tell him I had my grace back?”

Dean nods and looks up at me, “I lied, just like you told me to.”

“Did it work?” I excitedly ask. “Did he say something about where my grace is?”

Dean smirks, “Yep. He keeps it in a chain around his neck. Should be easy enough to get to as long as Ruby does her part.”

I nod and start reaching for my pants in the floorboard, “Alistair’s probably torturing the hell out of her right now, you know.”

I don’t miss Dean’s flinch when I say ‘torture,’ but he recovers with a shrug as he reaches for his own pants. “I don’t know what I can do about it.”

I smirk and lean in to gently kiss his lips, “Just play your part, Dean. That’s all you _can_ do.”

Dean kisses me back, his fingers ghosting along my jawline. He pauses for a second, lying back on the makeshift pillows, pulling me with him. I pull the blanket back on top of us, savoring these few moments because even if this plan works, I’m going to have to disappear for a while.

We stay silent, Dean’s fingers running against the skin of my back while my own fingers run through his day-old stubble. He hums in contentment for a few seconds.

“How well did you know those two?” Dean asks against my skin. “I mean I know you said you were their battalion leader or whatever, but were they just two grunts?”

I shrug, “Uriel was.”

“And Castiel?”

“No,” I softly say and shake my head. “Castiel was special.”

Dean’s hands grip my thigh harder, “What do you mean, _special_?”

I chuckle and raise up on my forearms so I’m hovering over Dean. I gently press my lips to mine. “Not like you’re thinking. Castiel is my brother.”

“Oh,” Dean exhales, relaxing beneath me.

“He was my favorite little brother,” I continue, laying back on Dean’s chest. “Of all the angels in Heaven, Castiel was my favorite.”

Dean’s grip on my skin eases, and after a few seconds he lazily strokes the soft skin. “Is that common?”

I shrug, “I guess. I mean, Michael and Lucifer were each other’s favorites for a long time. And there are so many of us that it’s hard to not get closer to certain angels, especially within our own garrisons.”

“So who made up your clique?”

The memories make me smile, “Me, Castiel, Balthazar, those were the main two I was close to. My favorite brothers.”

“Do you think Castiel will hurt you?”

I shrug, “I don’t think so. But Uriel and I were _never_ each other’s favorites. In fact, he challenged me nearly every day that he was in my garrison. He might try to hurt me or turn me in.”

The silence falls between us again, and it doesn’t take long for Dean’s lips to find mine. There’s a certain desperation between each kiss, it leaves me wondering if Dean trusts my plan as much as he claims he does. He could just be kissing me as a back-up plan, that way if we _are_ separated, we have these kisses to look back on.

“What happens to you?” he whispers against the skin of my neck. “When you get your mojo back or whatever, where are you going to go?”

“I don’t know,” I sigh. “I’ll have to run, I guess. Hide.”

“We can hide you,” Dean whispers against my cheek.

“From Heaven?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him.

He nods and kisses me softly. “I will always protect you, you know that… I’ll figure something out, Kat.”

I look into his eyes and smile, completely confident in him. If anyone can figure out a solution, it’s the Winchester brothers.

…

“Where the hell is Ruby?” Sam snaps. He leans against an abandoned desk, crossing his arms and tapping his feet impatiently.

I shuffle uncomfortably where I sit on a desk. The jacket Dean gave me smells like him, so I pull the edge tighter around me to battle the straight panic in Sam’s voice. No matter what he tells Dean, I really think he has feelings for her, regardless of if she’s a demon or not. I can’t say I’m surprised – Sam’s given up a lot to be with Ruby, but that doesn’t mean I have to like her, because I still don’t. If this plan works, I _might_ , but it’s a bit of a stretch.

“I don’t know,” Dean grumbles from across the room, taking a drink of a flask. “She’s your hell buddy.”

I have to chuckle – apparently Dean doesn’t like her either.

I make a few jabs about the drinking – enough to earn a smile and to make him get up from where he sits to come closer to me. It’s not much, but hopefully it’s enough to assure him that my plan is going to work. Because it _has_ to.

“Kat…” Dean starts to say, reaching for my hand. I lace my fingers with his and squeeze – gentle reassurance.

But the wind starts to howl around the barn we’re in and I can feel their presence – Castiel and Uriel have arrived. I expect a little more fanfare or pomp and circumstance, but Castiel and Uriel just walk through the door as if they were coming home after a long day at work. Maybe that’s how they see this task – another long, daunting job that must be dealt with quickly.

Sam stands on my right and Dean on my left. Each of them reach a hand out in front of me, always protecting me.

Castiel greets me like he has for centuries, with a simple hello. It takes all of my willpower to say hello back instead of flip him off, but I manage it.

“How?” Sam spits. “How did you find us?”

Castiel looks solemnly at Dean. I know him well enough to know that he’s _trying_ to come up with some kind of remorse for his actions, some kind of guilt for taking away his favorite big sister. But I also know Castiel well enough to know that his sorrow doesn’t outweigh the pride he feels of getting a job done. Orders are orders, and Castiel got what he needed from Dean, from me.

Sam and Dean play their parts beautifully. Dean looks at the ground and avoids my eyes as he mumbles out apologies – Sam gets angry, accusing his brother and shouting the whys and hows.

“I don’t understand!” Sam raises his voice. “Why would you do this, Dean? We said we’d _protect_ her, not feed her to the lions!”

All of the sudden, Dean looks up into my eyes. Anyone else would think he’s searching me for forgiveness, but I know better. That’s my cue. I turn to Uriel and Castiel, glaring at them.

“Because they gave him a _choice._ Either kill me or kill you,” I say, not holding back the acid in my tone. “Because that’s something they would do – the ends justify the means to them.”

Castiel avoids my eyes – he knows what he’s doing is wrong. But he doesn’t know that we were betting on this outcome.

I slightly turn to Dean and grab his arm in comfort, to assure him that I know what I’m doing. Of course, I’m terrified and the touch comforts me as much as it comforts him, but I can still feel my insides quivering in fear. If Ruby is late, if Alistair doesn’t believe her… I could end up imprisoned upstairs, a fate worse than Hell.

I don’t know if Dean senses my fear or not, but he pulls me closer to him and gently presses his lips to mine. It’s almost a sad kiss, like a goodbye, but I feel so many more conveyed emotions than that. I feel Dean’s remorse for doing this to me, I feel his fear for what’s going to happen to me, but most of all, I can feel him wishing me good luck through a simple press of his lips to mine.

It’s a comfort to me.

I pull away and put my forehead against his, wishing I could connect our minds and tell him everything I’m feeling, everything I’m thinking. If this doesn’t go how we want, it could very well be the last time I see him.

But I cannot think like that. Ruby will pull through. I hate her guts, but I have faith that she won’t leave us all out to dry, especially when she can go down with this sinking ship too.

Too soon, I have to pull away from Dean and face Castiel and Uriel. Too soon I have to see Castiel’s sorrowful face. I know what he’s thinking – what he’s feeling. Of all the angels in Heaven, _I_ was the one who cared specifically for Castiel, and now he has to punish me.

“Let’s do this, boys. I’m ready.”

“I am _sorry_ ,” Castiel barely whispers.

I shake my head, “No you aren’t. You don’t know how this feels.”

“But – “

“Orders are orders, Castiel. I know. Just hurry up,” I snarl. He looks as if I’ve hurt his feelings – I honestly hope I have. I start to tense up, preparing for the inevitable blow, when I hear a skin-crawling voice behind me.

“Don’t you touch a hair on that poor girl’s head.”

I whip around to see Alistair. I haven’t seen this meat suit yet, but I know it’s him by the look of his true face. It’s dark, evil, uglier than Ruby’s or any demon I’ve ever seen before. Two demons behind him half-carry, half-drag Ruby. She’s bleeding from her abdomen and I feel angry that they’ve done that to her, angry that I let it happen.

It’s odd to feel bad for a demon.

The two throw Ruby down and I can see Sam’s muscles twitch to cross the room as I quickly grab his and Dean’s coats and pull them with me to the other side. I can barely contain my excitement that the plan is working.

Uriel and Alistair go back and forth, and I can feel Castiel’s eyes on my skin. Dean holds me back, gently touching my arm.

“Leave now,” Castiel commands, “or we lay you to waste.”

“I’ll take my chances,” Alistair snarls.

And then the fight begins.

Uriel is the first to move, lunging at one of the demons that brought Ruby in. he slams him against a post, quickly pushing a palm to the demon’s forehead and within an instant, the demon is dead.

I can see Castiel and Alistair landing punches out of the corner of my eye, but I’m too focused on the silver chain that hangs around Uriel’s neck.

Just as Dean described, my grace swings from a little bottle at the end of the chain. It sings for me, calling me to step up and claim what’s mine. My feet walk, one in front of the other, almost involuntarily, moving me toward Uriel and the chain.

Dean lunges at Alistair, knocking him backward with a lead pipe. He makes a smart comment and raises his hand toward the two boys, who sink to the ground and clutch at their necks.

“Dean!” I scream, taking a step toward him.

“ _No!_ ” Ruby hisses back, pointing toward the preoccupied Uriel.

I seize my moment, taking another step toward Uriel and grabbing the necklace. He screams as I break it from his neck, smashing it to the ground.

At once, the grace that was singing for me claims me, entering my body quickly. it fills me with power, running through my veins and bursting through my skin. Instantly, I can feel my wings from base to tip as they unfurl behind me, releasing even more pleasure and power through my body. the grace inside me heats up, finding the old cells it used to inhabit, filling every pore and gaining more power as it does. My body starts to alight, my wings start to become more visible as I look up and see Dean staring at me.

“Hide your eyes! Look away!” I screech. If they see the light, I know it will hurt them almost as bad as Castiel hurt Pamela. And although my grace could heal them now, it’s not something I want to deal with.

Bright light fills the room and comes from within me. I see a demon start to walk toward me and I concentrate my power on it, making it disappear from the room. I concentrate on myself too, zapping me anywhere on the globe that is safe – anywhere that’s not in the same room as Alistair and Castiel.

When my eyes open, I’m in an alley outside Chicago.

I can see snow on the ground and the wind pulls through Dean's jacket. Even though my grace doesn't let me feel cold or warmth, the instinct to pull the jacket tighter around me is there, so I do. My wings, after so many years of disconnect, furl tightly around me, as if to shield me from the wind that I can't feel anyway.

People in the street move quickly, so I do my best to fit in, moving with the crowd until I see a phone booth. I break through the crowds for it, fumbling in Dean's jacket for some quarters. I quickly dial one of Dean's most trusted pre-paid numbers and let it ring.

It rings three times before going to voicemail.

"This is Dean's other,  _other_ cell. You know what to do."

The line beeps.

I quickly hang up and leave my change in the container. Someone else can use it for an important call.

The only thing left to do is wait for Dean to fall asleep. I find a bench on the sidewalk and sit, contemplating my next move.

On the one hand, it would be easy to zap back to wherever Sam and Dean and Ruby are. It would be easy to sit together and debate what I should do - I could especially use Sam's brain. But I can't do that. It would be too easy for Uriel and Castiel to sit on the boys and the demon, waiting for me to show back up and help them with the seals. Then they'd capture me, take me to Heaven's jail, and I'd be back at square one.

But the seals...

I don't need Sam and Dean to stop the seals. Dean may be the only one who can stop Lilith from breaking them, but there are over 600 - how's he supposed to know which one Lilith is after?

But  _I_ on the other hand... It would be easy for me to sit on Lilith and call her shots - then I could easily relay them back to the boys, who could stop them. 

I smile - I'm finally useful again.

...

When I feel Dean's consciousness slip into sleep, I appear in an empty baseball stadium - it looks like Yankee Stadium, but i'm not really focused on that. 

Dean Winchester sits behind home plate, just a few rows in front of me, sipping a beer as he watches the game in front of him. I smile, of course Dean's dream would be seeing the Yankee's by himself. My eyes drift to the game and I see the blue and red jerseys that belong to the Chicago Cubs -  _my_  team.

I walk down toward where Dean sits, "Hey there, handsome."

Dean whips around in his seat, a wide smile painting his face" as he stands. "Fancy seeing you here."

He holds open his arms and I fall into them, letting him hold me tightly. "Am I dreaming?" he asks.

"Yes," I say. "I couldn't risk coming to you. They might be watching."

"I take it you're okay," Dean remarks.

I nod, "I have a plan."

"What's that?" Dean casually asks, slinging his arm across the back of my seat.

"I can sit on Lilith - help you stop the seals. Find out which one she's gonna break next."

Dean chuckles, "Can't you just take a vacation? I hear Hawaii is nice this time of year."

I frown at him, "Dean, I can't just let you do this by yourself. I'm an angel now - I gotta help."

"It's comforting," Dean says.

"What?"

"I died, went to Hell, came back, and found out my girlfriend is an actual angel."

"What's comforting about that?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"You still don't know how to take a damn break from the job."

I just smile and turn back to the game. "Who's winning?"


	9. unfair advantage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair smiles again, “I may have lost the battle, Katherine, but Lilith will win this war.”
> 
> “Win? How does she win? Hell on Earth and Lucifer on the throne?” I spit. “You know as well as I do that even if she does bust him out, he won’t give her any credit.”
> 
> “Won’t he though?” Alistair asks.
> 
> I smirk, “You don’t need to worry about it. The apocalypse isn’t going to happen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during 4.15 - Death Takes a Holiday.

**October 2008**

I close my eyes as I sit in an old recliner in some abandoned house. I can Dean slouching at his desk, hundreds of miles away, sleep threatening to glaze over his eyes. I check my watch impatiently. I told him that tonight would be the night that I’d pop in his dream and check up on him, but he keeps trying to postpone sleep.

He writes something in the notebook beside him and a finger points to it.

 _Not mine_.

He yawns and I instantly get the message. He’s trying to tell me not to pop into his dream. I sigh, searching out Sam’s consciousness – he’d be the easiest to find Dean.

I close my eyes and when I open them again, I’m in the Roadhouse, Jo and Ellen’s old place. The jukebox is playing some old Hank Jr. song and I smile at the authenticity.

Sam Winchester sits at the bar with a beer in his hand.

“Heya, Sam,” I call out.

His head whips around to see me. At first he smiles widely – he hasn’t seen me since I got my grace back – but then his smile fades.

“Am I dreaming?”

I nod.

He sighs, looking around the bar. “Are we alone?”

I scan the dream and nod. I don’t detect anyone’s presence but ours.

“You can’t pop in Dean’s dreams anymore,” he states, taking another sip of the beer.

“Why not? I haven’t been doing it that much – just enough to check in.”

He nods, “I know. I guess Uriel figured you would, so he started sitting in on Dean’s dreams every night – he’s been worried that you’d pop in when he didn’t expect you to.”

“That makes sense,” I say, pulling up a bar stool by Sam’s. “They know I’ll pop in and tell Dean something important.”

Sam shrugs and concentrates on his beer, peeling the label.

“They’re not monitoring yours?” I ask.

He shrugs, “Haven’t seen them yet. I guess they’re trying to catch you in Dean’s rather than mine.”

“That makes sense,” I say again.

Hank Jr. sings something sad and slow on the jukebox – it kind of drains my mood. I was excited to see Dean, and yeah, I’m excited to see Sam too, but it’s not really the same.

Sam clears his throat, “So – uh, what’s your next move? You’ve been hiding out for nearly two weeks.”

I sigh, “I’ve got to do something to get me back in good favor.”

“Oh yeah?” Sam says with a slight tease in his voice. “What happened to ‘I’m going to kill those sons of bitches the second I get my mojo back’?”

I roll my eyes at him, “For starters, I didn’t exactly want to gank an angel with you and Dean in the room.”

“And thennn?” Sam teases.

My smile fades, “And then, Castiel called me.”

Sam raises an eyebrow, “How? The only people that have your number are me, Dean, and Ruby.”

“Angel radio. We can broadcast things or speak directly to a garrison, or directly to a person – it’s useful at times,” I explain. “Castiel spoke to me and – well, he threatened me.”

Sam’s eyes narrow – acid fills his tone, “How?”

I sigh again, “He told me that if I made a move against him or Uriel, he’d throw Dean’s ass back in the pit and take you just for spite.”

Sam just shakes his head. “That’s insane – but it would make sure you stayed away from Dean.”

“Exactly.”

“Dean’s not digging the separation either,” Sam admits.

I look into his eyes, “What do you mean?”

“Kat,” Sam softly says. “He’s not sleeping well. And when he does sleep, it’s just screaming nightmares. He drinks a lot and he – well, he misses you.”

“I miss him too,” I admit.

Sam sighs, “He’s going to ask Cas to lift your warrant or whatever.”

I chuckle, “Good luck with that. Castiel is a stickler for the rules.”

“Yeah, well, Dean’s gonna pitch that he’ll work quicker on the seals if he’s not constantly worried about you.”

“That should work,” I say.

“Kat, you gotta play ball with them,” Sam says.

“Don’t I know it,” I agree. “Look, the best way to avoid arrest and get back in good favor, without me or Dean pissing them off, is to give them someone they want – someone they want more than _me_.”

Sam nods, “Okay, so who do they want more than you? Lilith?”

I shake my head, “Lilith is all but impossible. The way she’s been protected lately? I’d need my entire garrison to strike that many demons at once. Who’s her next in command?”

“Alistair,” Sam answers. “But he’s just as nasty, Kat. He’s gonna be hard to take down too.”

I shrug, “Probably. I gotta find him though.”

Sam nods, “I’ll call Ruby when I wake up – maybe she’s heard something.”

I just nod and watch Sam peel his label some more. There’s no pressing need to get out of his dream, so I take my time and relax in the Roadhouse as Hank Jr fades to Alabama. I’ve missed this place.

“Remember the first time I met Jo?”

Sam chuckles, “That was a good weekend.”

“I almost kicked her ass for flirting with Dean,” I recall.

Sam laughs out loud, “That fight would be interesting.”

I nod and smile, “Not anymore. Being an angel gives me an unfair advantage.”

Sam’s smile stays on his face for a few seconds before fading. “How are you doing with that, anyway? The whole ‘angel’ thing?”

I shrug, “It’s nice in some aspects – I can just snap my fingers and be anywhere, I can find you and Dean easily, etc.”

“But?”

I smile, “But, I’m hunted. If they actually take me upstairs… Sam, it could be bad.”

He stays silent and I’m grateful, there’s not much that can be said.

“How are you doing?” I quietly ask.

Sam looks at me and smiles, “As good as can be, I guess.”

“Not what I meant.”

Sam rolls his eyes playfully, “I thought you trusted Ruby, are you really still mad I pal around with her?”

I shake my head, “You still using that mind-bending mojo thing?”

Sam’s gaze falls back to the label of his beer, confirming my answer.

“Sam,” I scold. “That’s not a good thing – especially now that I’m an angel and I really know what’s going on.”

Sam sighs, “I know. I – I just… I feel like I’m helping.”

“You know what they say about the road to Hell, Sam.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s paved with good intentions,” he says, waving me off. He looks over at the door of the Roadhouse, “You better get back, just in case.”

I nod, “Probably. Will you tell Dean I’m okay? Tell him to lay off the booze and get some sleep?”

Sam smiles and nods, “Yes ma’am.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Well, you’re like 5,000 years older than me now, gotta show my elders some respect, _Katherine_.”

“Don’t call me that either, or I’ll smite you.”

He laughs, “Okay, Kat. See you soon. I’ll have Ruby call you.”

I close my eyes and when I open them, I’m back in my recliner.

I close my eyes for a moment, tuning into my grace. Honestly, I probably don’t even need Ruby to find Alistair, but I do need her to think I trust her enough to find someone as important as Alistair. I know Ruby will be a powerful ally to have in case I need her, demons usually are.

I reach into my mind to try to find Alistair. I search over thousands of miles, searching for where he is. When I find him, my eyes snap open. He’s kidnapping reapers, using them to stall death. I want to search for Sam and Dean, to make sure they’re safe, but honestly those two are probably smack in the middle of it.

I stand from the recliner and make sure my angel blade is in the jacket of Dean’s that I still wear. Securing it, I instantly zap myself to the town he’s in.

The air around me is chilly, like something is off. Like something is missing. Which, if Alistair’s kidnapping reapers, that’s probably the absence I’m feeling.

It’s weird, but it’s nothing in comparison to the scene I saw in my head. I find myself in front of the funeral home where I saw Alistair, but it’s radiating toxic energy, like it’s _alive_ and it doesn’t want me near.

I take a tentative step forward and the energy only gets stronger, propelling me away from it. I know if I get too close, it’ll throw me backwards or kill me.

I look up to see angel-warding symbols and swear. If only I didn’t have my stupid grace, I could get in there and stop Alistair from killing reapers.

Wings rustle to my right.

I take my angel blade from my jacket sleeve and turn to face whatever angel is after me. I’m met with the bright blue eyes of Castiel’s vessel.

“We can’t get in,” he simply states. His eyes break mine and gesture to the funeral home. He waves his hand and I see angel warding symbols etched into the building.

“No shit,” I snap back.

Castiel’s eyes narrow, “Sam and Dean Winchester are inside.”

I roll my eyes – that figures. “I didn’t come for them.”

Castiel nods, “You came for the demon.”

I remain silent.

He nods again, as if understanding my plan. “You’re trying to get back in good graces so I don’t throw Dean to Hell. I wish I didn’t have to threaten you like that.”

“Uriel deserves to _die_ ,” I snarl. “I stand by that.”

“I do not contest you, sister,” Castiel quietly says. “Uriel’s actions are not wise, but we still have use of him.”

“’Have _use_ of him’? Cas, are you even _listening_ to yourself? What happens when he’s no longer useful? We ice him? What about Sam and Dean? Gonna kill them? Me? Ruby?” my voice gets higher and louder with every word.

“No,” Castiel quietly says. “Sam and Dean and Ruby have done nothing to turn them from the favor of Heaven. You and Uriel, on the other hand…”

I take a deep breath, “You know he won’t help you if he knows you’re trying to kill me, brother. Dean’s too stubborn.”

A small smirk plays at Castiel’s lips, “I’m beginning to understand that.”

“You’re better off suspending my warrant and letting me help them stop the seals.”

Castiel looks away from me for a moment, contemplating my offer. I know what he’s thinking – he’s trying to weigh how badly he wants to take me to Heaven versus how badly he needs Dean Winchester to stop the seals.

After a few seconds, Castiel looks back at me, “You’re right, Katherine.”

“I know I’m right.”

We stare at each other in silence for a few seconds until I feel Dean’s presence leave the funeral home. I look around before cutting my eyes back to Castiel, “Shall we?”

He nods and within a moment, we sit on the edge of an exchange between Alistair and Dean.

“You can’t run, Deannn,” he slurs, a smile in his voice.

Dean stands before me, petrified. I can see his entire body clench up as I reach for my angel blade again. Vengeance pulses through my body – Alistair will _pay_ for the torture he did to Dean in Hell, anger pumps through my veins.

 _You know that won’t work_ , Castiel says, speaking directly to me via the angel radio.

I ignore him, gripping the blade tighter.

“Not from me,” Alistair says with a chilling grin. “I’m inside that angst-y little noggin of yours.”

He takes a step toward Dean, who takes an equal step back. His entire body is still rigid. I can practically _feel_ the fear radiating off of him.

“Hey!” I call out, stepping into view. “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size, you son of a bitch?”

Alistair smiles pleasantly, as if I’m _not_ standing in front of him with hell in my eyes and an angel blade in my grasp. He smiles as if we’re at a damn garden party and I just handed him tea. “Katherine, right? I don’t believe we’ve met.”

“Of course not,” I say, with an equal tone of pleasantness. “I don’t associate myself with such _bastards_ like you.”

I take a few steps so I’m between Alistair and Dean, snarling as I ready my blade. I see Castiel’s form walk over to where we stand – Dean and Alistair, being a human and demon, cannot see him at all and I’m sure neither knows he’s there.

“K-K-Kat?” Dean manages behind me.

“Quiet,” I hush him before turning my growl back to Alistair. “Trying to break some seals, huh? Too bad you’re not getting this one.”

Alistair smiles again, “I may have lost the battle, Katherine, but Lilith will win this war.”

“Win? How does _she_ win? Hell on Earth and Lucifer on the throne?” I spit. “You know as well as I do that even if she _does_ bust him out, he won’t give her any credit.”

“Won’t he though?” Alistair asks.

I smirk, “You don’t need to worry about it. The apocalypse isn’t going to happen.”

Alistair hums for a second before pointing his finger at me and taking a step in my direction.

As he does, a bolt of lightning reigns down on him, zapping him where he stands. I put my hands out to protect Dean, hoping he has his eyes closed. As soon as Alistair is gone, Dean straightens beside me. He puts a hand on my shoulder, to make sure I’m really there, before exhaling. “What the hell?”

“Guess again,” Castiel smoothly says behind me. I chuckle as Dean nearly jumps out of his skin.

“What the hell just happened?” Dean spits at Castiel before turning his murderous glare on me.

Castiel smiles softly, “We captured Alistair. You and Sam saved a seal.”

“No thanks to you,” Dean spits, looking at Castiel and turning to me.

I narrow my eyes, “I only _just_ got cleared to come save your ass, Dean.”

“’Cleared’?”

I turn to Castiel, “Are you gonna tell him or should I?”

“Tell me _what_?”

Castiel takes a defeated sigh, “I was afraid that Katherine would come after Uriel. Although I’m angry with him as well, we need him.”

“What did you do, you son of a bitch?” Dean growls, taking a step toward Castiel. I put my hand out, stopping him from tearing my brother to pieces.

“He threatened you and Sam,” I softly say. “But I also told him you’d be more likely to help if I was with you instead of on the run.”

Dean nods and his body relaxes, “So Kat is with us now?”

Castiel nods, “Yes. Katherine is now on your team, so to speak.”

Dean turns back to me, “How long have you been here?”

“I came as soon as I could see where Alistair was and what he was doing. I didn’t even know you were here.”

“And you?” he asks, turning to Castiel.

“Most of the time.”

“’Preciate your help, you smug bastard,” Dean snarls, tensing up again. I consider putting him out of consciousness until I can get him alone, but Castiel is so uncomfortable that it’s kind of amusing.

Castiel sighs, “There was angel warding on the doors, we couldn’t penetrate it. Why do you think I recruited you and Sam in the first place?”

“You recruited us?” Dean scoffs. His face falls, thinking, “So that wasn’t Bobby who called us.”

“And it wasn’t Bobby who told Sam about the seal.”

Dean’s body tenses again, “If you wanted our help, why didn’t you just ask?!”

Castiel narrows his eyes and takes a step toward Dean. Not trusting him, I take a step closer to him, blocking Castiel. He rolls his eyes, “It seems that every time I ask something of you, you do the exact opposite.”

Dean scoffs – he knows Castiel is right. I would bet that if Castiel called Dean with this job, Dean would’ve told him to go to Hell because of me.

“So are people in this town gonna go back to dying?”

Castiel nods, “Yes.” His face remains emotionless – just like I remember him to be. Castiel always was a stickler for the rules.

“These are good people!” Dean defends.

I put my hand on his shoulder, “Dean, honey it’s no use.”

“She’s right,” Castiel agrees.

“Can’t you make an exception?” Dean argues further. “You made one for me.”

Castiel pauses a second and I hold my breath as he leans in closer to Dean.

“You’re different.”

With that, Castiel vanishes, I assume to wherever Alistair is.

A reaper appears next to Dean. I don’t recognize her, but Dean seems to.

“I need your help, Dean,” she says.

I nod to him and push him toward her, “Go. I’ll find Sam.”

Less than an hour later, Sam and Dean and I hurriedly make our way to the Impala. Sam and Dean carry their duffles, Dean walks with a hand in mine. He half pulls me to the car, desperate to get the hell out of the state before anyone discovers Pamela’s blood in that motel room. of course, they won’t find a body since I burned that myself, but the blood is implicating.

Sam has his phone pushed to his ear, talking lowly.

“Apparently they captured Alistair,” he tells Ruby. He pauses, waiting for her response. “No, I don’t know where they have him… yes, Kat is with us. Apparently Castiel told her as long as she was helping us with seals, she’d be okay… yes, Ruby, I know upstairs jail is a bad thing and I know to stay away from Uriel. Just… just be careful, okay?”

He hangs up the phone and puts it in his pocket, helping Dean put the bags in the trunk. Dean walks over to where I’m leaned up on the driver’s side and exhales.

“A lot of drama for one day, huh?”

Dean chuckles, “I’ll be glad when this is all over.”

I nod and extend my arms to him. He falls into them easily, wrapping his own around me. It’s the first time we’ve held each other in nearly two weeks. Dreams don’t do him justice.

I feel Castiel’s presence before I see him. I jolt, putting myself between Castiel and Dean – a knee-jerk reaction. Castiel calmly holds up his hands, to show he means no harm.

Backing up, I see Dean roll his eyes. “What the hell do you want now?”

Castiel just looks at me, “Katherine, I need your help.”

I narrow my eyes, “What’s going –“

“There’s been a death. We must go now,” he says, extending his hand.

“Who? Bobby?”

He shakes his head, “No. one of our own.”

I can feel the breath leave my body as I turn back to Dean. “Go wherever – I’ll find you as soon as I can.”

Dean pulls back against my arm, “You sure about that, Kat? You sure you trust him?”

I look back at Castiel, “Can you give Dean your _word_ that this isn’t a trick?”

Castiel nods, “Yes. You led our garrison for thousands of years, and this is an act of war. I need your help.”

I look back to Dean and kiss his cheek, nodding when he mumbles “be careful.” I turn out of his arms and follow Castiel. I touch my brother’s hand, zapping to a dark parking lot.


	10. alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But he won’t talk. Alistair’s will is very strong.”
> 
> Dean chuckles, “Well he’s like a blackbelt in torture. Good luck with that one.”
> 
> Uriel’s lips curl back in a smile, “That’s why we’ve come to his student.”
> 
> Dean’s face falls when he realizes what Uriel means, but it doesn’t stop him from speaking. “You happen to be the most qualified interrogator we’ve got.”
> 
> “Absolutely not,” I snarl, eyes locked on Uriel. “No.”
> 
> “It’s our only shot,” Castiel defends.
> 
> “No,” Dean says plainly. “No way. You can’t ask me to do this, Cas. Not this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows 4.16 - On the Head of a Pin

The first thing I notice is the car alarms beeping and sounding off in the darkness. Castiel immediately begins walking forward as I clamor to follow him. With one swipe of his hand, the car alarms are silenced.

I look up to my brother and am met with only a look of concern, of fear. He walks forward hurriedly until he reaches a woman lying on the ground. She wears a white dress and her blonde hair falls away from her face – I do not recognize her.

Castiel pulls back part of her blouse to reveal a stab wound. I lean over to examine it and am met with a tiny remnant of left over grace.

“An angel,” I whisper.

Castiel nods, confirming my suspicion.

Sirens approach and I look to Castiel. “We must leave her, Castiel.”

He nods and looks down again, as if studying the scorching wing marks on either side of her. “Goodbye, sister.”

When I look up again, we sit on a park bench, in the sunlight. An older man stands off to the side, flying a kite. I can tell that we’re inside someone’s heaven. I pull Dean’s jacket tighter, as if to shelter me from the realization.

I worry this is a trap.

“Castiel,” I begin, searching for words. He cuts me off.

“Someone is killing angels, Katherine,” he says. “Someone with extensive knowledge of us, someone who has an angel blade at their disposal.”

“The only things with angel blades at their disposal are … well, angels.”

“Unless a demon has taken one from one of the murdered angels.”

“Wait, angel _s_ , plural?” Surprise echoes in my tone.

Castiel slowly nods, “Seven in total. All from our garrison,” he rattles off the names, and my heart aches that some of my former siblings are gone.

I take a deep breath, “Why are you telling me?”

Castiel looks off at the kite flying in the breeze, “Uriel thinks it’s you.”

My eyes narrow as I turn to look at my brother, “Excuse me?”

Castiel bears into my eyes, “Sister, if you tell me the truth, I will take you at your word and that will be the end of it. But _someone_ is killing angels and I must chase down every possible suspect.”

I keep the eye contact, “Castiel, I have _not_ been ganking angels! The last one was tonight, right? I was with Sam and Dean and Pamela until you showed up.”

Castiel exhales in relief, sinking back into the park bench. It’s only a few seconds of relief before his features tighten again. “That means someone else is out there, killing them.”

“Demons?” I offer the simplest solution.

Castiel shrugs, “It would make sense. We have Alistair in custody – we could question him.”

I nod, standing from the park bench.

“Where are you going, Katherine?”

“If someone is out killing angels from our garrison, then they probably know that I’m close to the Winchester boys. I’ve gotta protect them.”

Castiel just nods and gently waves me off with his hand, giving me permission to leave. Just as I close my eyes and reach into my grace for where my boys are, an unpleasant voice meets my ears.

“Why, hello Katherine,” Uriel greets.

I roll my eyes and open them, “Well if it isn’t my least favorite douche bag.”

Uriel’s entire body tenses up at my insult and he grits his teeth. I reach into my sleeve and grip my angel blade without revealing I have it. my eyes narrow on the veins of his neck and I know that if it comes to a fight, that’s where I’m going to bury my blade to the hilt. I can see his eyes studying my own form, searching out a weak link.

Castiel must see the tension, because within a second he stands between us, putting a hand on each of our chests. “I know there’s bad blood between you two, but I must remind you of the _job_ we have to do.”

Uriel relaxes, his eyes still bearing into mine. I relax as well, but I still keep my grip on the blade.

“Did you ask her?” he asks Castiel.

Castiel nods, “She had an adequate alibi for all of the murders, Uriel. Besides, Katherine has only _just_ gotten her grace back – it would be hard to overpower the others in that state.”

Uriel nods and looks to me. “It’s good you’re here, anyway. We were just about to pay your boyfriend a visit.”

My eyes narrow, “Leave the boys alone for the night. Pamela’s dead and they’re upset.”

Uriel shakes his head, “Sorry, sister. But we have work for them.”

“Good luck,” I sigh.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Uriel snarls.

“He’s grieving!” I fire back. “Humans aren’t like us! They have to have _time_ to grieve and cry and be sad when someone they’re close to dies.”

Uriel’s lips curl back over his teeth in what I’m supposed to guess is a smile. He reaches out and snatches my hand, “Then I guess he’ll be _extra_ glad to see his favorite angel.”

His grip tightens on the arm holding my blade – I can’t do anything without giving it away, so I just look to Castiel. The blue in his vessel’s eyes glows bright as he lays his hands on Uriel, “That is _enough_.”

Uriel releases me and turns to face Castiel, “May I remind you of your _place_ now, Castiel. You’re no longer in charge here.” He turns to me, “You are a fugitive of Heaven. You should consider yourself lucky that we don’t kill you now.”

I narrow my eyes and cross my arms, keeping my silence.

“Let’s go.”

I nod to Castiel and seek out Sam and Dean’s presence. I find them checking into a crappy motel room, so I follow Cas and Uriel’s signatures to the room. I stand in the back of the room with Castiel, watching Uriel and the boys as they enter the room.

“Ah, home, crappy home,” Dean grumbles, turning on the light.

“Winchester and Winchester,” Uriel chuckles at the two.

“Oh come on!” Dean barks, rolling his eyes. “What do you want?”

Uriel turns back so the boys can see me, “Figured you’d want your toy back.”

Dean starts to take a step toward Uriel, but Sam puts his arm on Dean’s chest, pushing him back and calming him down.

“You are needed,” Uriel calmly says, as if the boys are too stupid to know that he just insulted them and me.

“Needed?” Dean spits. “We just got back from _needed_!”

Uriel’s mouth forms a smirk, “You mind your tone with me, boy.”

“Or what?” I snarl.

“No, you mind your damn tone with us,” Dean growls at the same time.

I take a step past Uriel and stand between Sam and Dean as Sam puts his hands on both of us, like he’s trying to diffuse a bomb. Which, knowing how angry Dean and I are right now, is pretty spot on.

“Look, we just got back from a funeral.”

“Yeah, Pamela, the psychic? You guys remember her, right? I know Cas does! He burned her friggin’ eyes out! And then she died for one of your ‘precious seals.’”

My eyes flicker to Castiel dropping his head in shame. I can remember hearing his voice whenever that happened, and I know that Castiel didn’t _want_ to hurt her.

“So maybe you can stop pushing us around like chess pieces for five freakin’ minutes!”

“We raised you out of hell for _our_ purposes,” Uriel cleanly states.

Dean purses his lips, “And what were those again? What do you want from me?”

“Start with gratitude.”

“Oh,” Dean says with a mock smile. “Gratitude? So I’m supposed to bow down and worship you for pulling me out, trying to _arrest_ my girlfriend, then _threatening_ her and my brother with _hell_? How is that supposed to make me want to help you?”

“Dean,” Castiel lowly says. “We know this is difficult to understand.”

“And _we_ ,” Uriel says, stepping in front of him, “do not care.”

“Why are you here?” Sam spits, acid dripping from his mouth.

“Angels are dying,” I simply say. “They’re pissed and finally on the ball because someone is killing angels from our garrison.”

Dean looks up at Sam, “Demons?”

“That’s what I thought,” I tell the boys.

Uriel locks eyes with me and his mouth starts to curve in a grin as he lies, “We don’t know how, and we don’t know why.”

I narrow my eyes and open my mouth to say something, but Castiel’s thoughts intrude mine.

 _Don’t speak_.

“A demon with the juice to ice angels has to be out of our league,” Sam goes on in the background.

_Why is he lying to them? we know what killed those angels. Angel blades._

_I don’t know. But he’s the leader of my garrison, I have to follow his command._

_Yeah, but I don’t._

“We have to find out whoever it is,” Castiel quickly says, shutting me off from talking again.

“So you need our help,” Dean mockingly says, “hunting a demon?”

Castiel takes another step forward so he’s at Uriel’s side, “We have Alistair.”

“Perfect,” Dean says, leaning against a table. “He should name your angel-murderer.”

Castiel’s eyes flicker to mine, and I can see the same sorrow in them that I saw whenever Pamela was brought up – like he doesn’t want to talk about it, but has to. “But he won’t talk. Alistair’s will is very strong.”

Dean chuckles, “Well he’s like a blackbelt in torture. Good luck with that one.”

Uriel’s lips curl back in a smile, “That’s why we’ve come to his student.”

Dean’s face falls when he realizes what Uriel means, but it doesn’t stop him from speaking. “You happen to be the most qualified interrogator we’ve got.”

“Absolutely not,” I snarl, eyes locked on Uriel. “No.”

“It’s our only shot,” Castiel defends.

“No,” Dean says plainly. “No way. You can’t ask me to do this, Cas. Not this.”

Uriel takes another step forward and smiles widely, eyes flickering to me. “Who said anything about asking?”

Before I can register what’s happened, wings flap and Sam and I are the only ones left in the room.

Sam looks around and his face contorts in anger when he sees only me. “ _Damn it_!” he growls.

“Can you find them?” he barks at me.

I nod and search the earth, looking for the three men. Surprisingly, I turn up empty.

“Damn it!” I growl. “I can’t find them anywhere. Uriel must have used some kind of spell so I couldn’t follow them.”

Sam swears and runs his fingers through his hair for a second. He pulls out his phone and starts dialing quickly.

“Who are you calling?”

“Ruby,” he answers. “She was outside Cheyenne anyway – maybe she can help.”

I just nod and watch him pace as he calls her, hangs up, and then waits the fifteen minutes for her to show up. I tap my feet, searching out for Dean, trying to see if there’s _anything_ that’ll help me find him. I try to contact Cas and Uriel on the angel radio, but I’m only greeted with silence. I start to get up and pace with Sam, but the door opens suddenly and in walks Ruby.

She slings a backpack on the table and looks up at the two of us. She smiles, “Hey, Kat. Didn’t expect to see you without angel boy.”

I shrug, “Douche bag did some spell when he left, because I can’t follow them and I can’t find any of them. I’ve even tried Cas on angel radio – nothing.”

She looks over at Sam, “I’m not exactly dying to tangle with angels again.”

“No,” I answer for him, my temper flaring. “None of us are – me especially. Just tell us where to find Dean and you can go. No hard feelings.”

“Why should we find him?” She asks the two of us. “There is no downside. Dean gets some revenge on Alistair, the good guys get the goods.”

“He can’t do it,” Sam softly says, looking down at his shoes.

“I get it, you don’t want him going all torture master again.”

“No,” I say to Ruby. “You don’t understand.”

Sam nods, “He’s not strong enough. He’s not what he used to be – hell changed him. He can’t do the job.”

“And you can?” Ruby asks.

Sam shrugs, “I will.”

I cut my eyes to him, but I let the comment go as Ruby starts setting up for the spell.

Within a few seconds, she has the map set up and starts the fire. She repeats the Latin incantation quietly as the fire consumes the map. Sam looks at me and then down to the map, questioning Ruby’s tactics.

“Relax,” I soothe. “I know this spell – she’s doing it right.”

Ruby chuckles, “Besides, we only need the ‘where’s Dean?’ part, right?”

She repeats the last word and the map stops, with only a small section of Wyoming left in the center. “That’s where he is.”

I nod and draw my angel blade from my jacket sleeve. “Let’s go,” I say to them.

Ruby puts up her hands, “No thanks, Kat. I’m not on the angel train.”

“Sam?”

He takes a deep breath, “Go ahead. Ruby and I need to talk… alone.”

“You want to wait?” I question.

Sam’s eyes look desperate. “Yes.”

I shake my head, unhappy, but I do what he says and vanish. Instead of appearing where Dean is, I manifest outside of the hotel room, close enough that I can hear the two of them speak.

“Ruby… it’s been weeks,” Sam says with a defeated sigh. “I need it.”

I take a deep sigh and shake my head – there’s no telling what Sam’s gotten into, but I know that it can’t be good. I close my eyes and within another half-second, I’m outside a barn, drawn to Dean’s aura.

I hear a man screaming from the inside and my head jerks up. My fingers grip the blade tighter, making sure I can grab it at a moment’s notice. I keep my head held high as I materialize inside the barn.

I see Castiel bent over a table, taking deep breaths. He feels me before I speak.

“Katherine.”

“Castiel,” I greet back as he turns to face me.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Castiel says. “Uriel wanted to leave you behind.”

Alistair starts to scream again and I jerk my head toward the door. I can’t see anything, but I can only imagine the hardened, frightening version of Dean Winchester that lies on the other side, torturing a demon.

“You can’t let him do this,” I whisper.

“He’s doing God’s work,” Castiel says with a defeated tone. He turns away from me.

I snort, “Torture? Torture is God’s work?”

Castiel remains silent.

“Cas, please,” I plead. “Stop him. Stop him before you ruin him.”

“Orders are orders,” he repeats.

I shake my head and go to him, putting my hand on his shoulder, “Cas, you think this is what our father wants? You think this is right? You remember why I fell, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Orders that were unjust – I couldn’t do it. Those orders were wrong and these are too. You can still do the right thing,” I plead, touching my brother’s hand.

His eyes cry out to me, full of doubt and reason and logic that I recognize. This is the Castiel I knew in Heaven – the smart, analytical being who was my second in command. This Castiel is _trying_ to logic himself through these terrible orders, just like I did.

“I know you’re afraid, Cas. I was too.”

Castiel’s eyes harden and he narrows his eyes, “I am nothing like you. You fell. You disobeyed.”

“Give me Dean,” I state. “Let me have Dean and I’ll go.”

“I can’t,” he says.

I hiss, “Give him to me, Cas! Make him _stop_!”

Suddenly, something crashes against the wall through the door that I saw a few seconds ago. I turn to Castiel and start sprinting, throwing it open. I see Alistair, broken from the Devil’s Trap, holding Dean against the star of David, choking him out as he talks to him. I flutter to Dean’s side as Castiel puts his knife deep in Alistair’s heart.

The two tangle as I sink to Dean’s side, grasping his head.

“Dean, Dean baby, please!” I say, trying to get him to open his eyes on his own. When he doesn’t, I start to panic. I can’t heal him – I don’t have the juice as a fugitive from Heaven – so I start to call out to Castiel, to do _anything_ , but I’m distracted when Sam bursts through the door.

“Who’s killing the angels?” he barks at the demon pinned to the wall. “How are they doing it?”

Alistair chuckles, “You think I’m gonna tell _you_? I wouldn’t give it up to big brother, not gonna give it up to you or your whore,” he says, looking at me.

I watch in awe as Sam turns his hand to a fist, torturing Alistair from the inside out.

“How are the demons killing angels?” Sam asks again, more authority in his voice.

“It’s…noootttt ussss,” Alistair chokes out.

Sam continues the torture for a few minutes, until Sam is satisfied that Alistair is telling the truth.

“Go ahead, send me back. If you can.”

“I’m stronger than that now,” Sam says with a slight smile. “Now I can kill.”

He raises his palm to Alistair again and the demon begins to scream, his form lighting up from the inside out. With a final scream and a flash of light, he falls to the floor, dead.

Castiel and I stare at Sam for a few seconds before I remember Dean’s body in my hands. I push back on his face, “Dean, baby _please_ wake up!”

-

I stare at the plain, boring pattern that makes up the sheets around Dean’s body. His bed is raised so he’s sitting up, tubes in and out of his body. They help him breathe, they help keep him hydrated, they help keep him alive.

The doctors have come in this plain room three times to tell Sam and I what’s wrong with him, but I still can’t focus enough on it. Dean’s eyes are bruised, most of the cuts have healed, but he won’t wake up.

Sam has begged me over and over again to heal him, and I cry every time that I try and realize I can’t. I simply don’t have the juice as a fugitive. Castiel was no help either, flying off the second Alistair was dead – probably to tattle to Uriel or something stupid.

So all I can do is sit and hold Dean’s hand.

I feel Castiel’s presence inside the hospital.

“He’s here.”

Sam’s grip tightens on Dean’s other hand across the bed. “Where?”

“Coming,” I simply say.

Sure enough, Castiel reaches the door and looks first at me, but I shake my head. I can’t leave Dean, no matter for how short a period. Thankfully, Sam gets up to talk to the angel and while I can’t hear the words, I hear the harsh tones coming from the hallway. Within a minute or so, Sam is back, back to hold his brother’s hand and wait for him to wake up with me.

“Should you look for Uriel?” Sam offers.

I shake my head, “Won’t do any good. Uriel won’t do anything I ask.”

Sam just sits, defeated.

“Have you told Ruby? Maybe she…”

He chuckles, “Unless you wanna sell your soul, I doubt she’s gonna be able to help us.”

I sigh, tracing my finger along the back of Dean’s hand. “Maybe Castiel will think for himself. Maybe he’ll make the right call.”

Somehow, doubt echoes into my features and before I realize it, hot tears flood my eyes. I sniffle and reach to wipe them off as I just look at Dean’s face. The heart monitor bears steadily, proof that Dean is living. Each beat runs straight through my ears and directly to my heart.

“I should go to him,” I absently say, still looking at Dean.

“Who? Cas?”

I nod, turning my gaze on Sam.

“What if he still says no?”

“Then I’ll go to Balthazar, and then Zachariah, and then Michael and then every angel I know. I’ll ask them to heal Dean – be damned my own consequences.”

Sam just simply nods, as if he totally understands. “Go.”

“Pray to me if he changes?”

Sam nods, turning his eyes back on his brother. I squeeze Dean’s hand softly before putting it down on the bed and I kiss his forehead, “I’ll be back, baby.”

Without another word, I stand in the same lobby area that I spoke to Castiel in earlier in the evening. In the room to the side, I hear shouting, punching.

I walk into the room to see Uriel, holding Cas by the collar and delivering punch after punch. I take my angel blade out of Dean’s pocket and walk towards Uriel.

“There is no God!” he shouts, raising back his fist.

I waste no time, ramming my blade through his neck and pulling his heavy body so that I can whisper in his ear. “No, but there’s still _me_.”

I let the blade fall out of his neck unceremoniously as he clamors to the ground, releasing Castiel. His grace flickers in his eyes before blowing out and going dark inside him.

“I told you I’d kill you, you son of a bitch.”

After a few seconds of silence, I look to Castiel, “Are you okay?”

He nods and stands beside me, “Yes.”

“You have to heal Dean,” I plead again, taking a hold of his trench coat.

Castiel’s eyes study mine, “But I – I can’t.”

“Cas, _please_. I will go to every angel in Heaven and beg for them to heal Dean if you can’t do it. someone will be able to.”

“Or someone will kill you for asking,” he simply states.

I shrug, “Fine. But I have to find someone to heal Dean.”

Castiel narrows his eyes at me, “You love him, don’t you?”

Without saying a word, I nod.

“How? Emotions are …”

“I think it was because I loved him before I got my grace back,” I whisper, staring at Uriel’s scorched wings. “If anything, I think the grace intensifies the feeling.”

“You love him a lot?” Castiel asks.

I nod again.

Something prods at my mind.

 _Kat, he’s awake_ , Sam’s voice echoes in my mind.

“He’s awake,” I whisper, looking at my brother.

Castiel reaches for my hand, “Let’s go to him.”

-

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Sam asks me in the hallway.

I shrug, “No idea. Dean’s probably telling him to go to Hell over that Devil’s Trap.”

“But it was Uriel, right?”

“Yep.”

At that moment, Castiel opens the door and looks down at me, “He’s asking for you.”

I leap up from my seat and within a moment I’m at Dean’s side, holding his hand. “Dean.”

“Hey sweetheart,” he gruffly replies. “Heard you took out junkless.”

I smile softly, “He was beating up my baby brother.”

Dean chuckles roughly and looks into my eyes. I can tell he’s been crying.

“What’s wrong, Dean?”

He looks into my eyes, the green still shining brightly. “I can’t do it, Kat. I can’t stop this.”

I reach my hand up to cup his face, wiping away fresh tears. My own voice catches in my throat, “It’s okay, Dean. You don’t have to.”

He pulls me in as close to him on the bed as we can get, burying his face in my neck. “Kat, I can’t. I can’t do it,” he repeats, again and again. “I’m not strong enough.”

I pull back from him, keeping my hands on his shoulders, “Dean, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

He sniffles, looking up at me, “You’re not disappointed in me?”

I shake my head and slightly smile, “No, Dean. Saving the world by yourself? No one can do that.”

He looks down from me, so I grab his chin and tilt him back toward me.

“You’re not alone, Dean. You still have me and Sam. together, _we_ can stop this thing.”

He nods, pulling in to kiss my lips gently before enveloping me into a giant hug. “You’re right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will follow It's a Terrible Life because i absolutely writing that episode so expect it soon :) xoxo


	11. where we're meant to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Katherine?” Sam asks, narrowing his eyes.
> 
> She nods again and opens her mouth to speak, but the elevator dings open and Dean pulls her forward by her shoulders, walking out of the lobby and towards his car in the parking lot.
> 
> “I didn’t like the way that guy looked at you,” Dean says, pulling her along.
> 
> “Me either. But he did look familiar.”
> 
> Dean rolls his eyes, “Whatever. Damn tech support.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter will be told from Castiel's point of view :)

_He has doubts_ , Zachariah says inside my head.  _He doesn’t think he’ll be successful, am I right?_

 _That’s true. He doesn’t believe he’s the hero we think he is_.

I can feel Zachariah pondering his next move when his happiness pushes at my mind, _I know what we can do. I know how to prove to him that he_ is _the one to fix it._

_How do we do that?_

_We’re going to drop him in a completely unbiased situation – real place, real haunting, no memories. We’ll see how he reacts._

_Just him_? I question.

Zachariah pauses for a second, _Why not just him?_

_Sam and Katherine will never allow him to be taken like that, no matter how short a period._

_True. Fine, we’ll take them too._

_I’ll go to Katherine, tell her what’s happening._

_No_ , Zachariah thunders in my mind. _No, she needs to see this too. She can come as well._

_You won’t arrest her?_

_No. no, we shall deal with her_ after _the apocalypse is stopped._

 _Fair enough_.

When Zachariah leaves my mind, I sigh. I do not want my brothers to _deal with_ Katherine – I do not want that end for her. I know I must find a way to keep her out of harm’s way, because if Sam and Dean Winchester save us from the coming apocalypse and keep Lucifer in his cage, I will owe him that much.

Within seconds, I find Dean, Sam, and Katherine in Chicago, all on their way to work. I watch, seeing what Zachariah has put in store for them.

…

At 8:15, Dean Smith unlocks the Prius parked outside his apartment and climbs in. he puts his coffee in the cup holder, his briefcase and newspaper in the passenger seat, and puts on his Bluetooth headset. He smiles as he clicks the ignition and starts the car, revealing he has a near-full tank.

He clicks on the headset and dials the first number on his speed-dial for his secretary, Katherine Remington.

“Good morning, Mr. Smith,” she chirps cheerily from the other end.

“Good morning, Katherine,” he chirps back, using that tone that makes her blush. “How many times have I told you to call me Dean?”

She laughs from the other end, “Just trying to keep half of this relationship professional, sir.”

“Fair enough,” Dean says, merging into the traffic that will take him to the Sandover building. “How’s everything looking today?”

He hears a click of her computer and a few keystrokes. “Well, _Dean_ , you have that conference call with Mr. Davidson from Orlando at 9:30, a meeting with the senior VP at 11, lunch at 12, another conference call at 2, and then those sales reports from last quarter are due on Mr. Adler’s desk at 2:15.”

“Sounds like a busy first half of the day,” he grumbles. He brightens as he makes another turn, “What’s your schedule look like today, Katherine?”

Another click, “I have to have your notes ready for Mr. Davidson, then your notes ready for the meeting, a short lunch so I can get you ready for the second conference call, and then I have to finish the sales reports.”

Dean nods before stupidly grinning because she can’t see him. His confidence falters for a second as he lowly mumbles, “Let’s have lunch together today.”

“What?”

“Lunch. Let’s – uh, let’s do lunch today.”

“Well – uh, _sure_ ,” Katherine says back into the phone. “We could go over the notes for the second conference call while we eat.”

Dean’s mouth drops open a little, and he’s glad she can’t see the hint of embarrassment and blush that etches on his face. He definitely did not mean a business lunch. The silence hangs for a second before Dean recovers.

“Yeah, definitely. That’d be great.” Dean casually says back.

“That new Italian place just opened next door,” she offers.

“Perfect,” Dean says.

He can hear the smile in her voice, “Okay, Mr. Smith.”

“See you soon, Miss Remington.”

He presses the dial to hang up his Bluetooth device as he pulls into Sandover Bridge & Iron.

As Dean hits the elevator and dings it to the correct floor, he starts to smile to himself. He has no idea how he landed a woman like Katherine, but he’s so damn glad he did. He’d seen some of the men that Katherine dated before – they were all wild and reckless, without a hint of self-preservation. Hell, Dean’s life is all _about_ self-preservation and moving up in the world.

But one day he took a shot and she’d said yes. He’d been head over heels for her ever since, only praying that she felt the same way.

He passes some of his coworkers and smiles at them in their cubicles as he passes. Matt, the assistant director of sales pats him on the back as they pass, reminding him about their golf scramble this weekend.

Finally, he passes Katherine’s desk right outside his office. Her hair is styled in elegant curls that frame her face and make her brown eyes sparkle for him. Her blazer hangs off the back of her chair and her white, collared, button down shirt fits her perfectly and shows just the right amount of cleavage to jumble Dean’s thoughts. She stands as he approaches, showing off the equally impressive pinstripe pencil skirt and matching peep-toed wedges.

“Mr. Smith,” she greets, picking up a couple folders and following him into his office.

Dean sits his briefcase down as Katherine shuts the door behind them and sinks into one of the chairs in front of Dean’s desk. He sits opposite her, getting a drink of his coffee before she prepares him for the conference call.

Dean tries really hard to concentrate, he does, but she’s just so damn distracting. She talks with an air in her voice, reminding Dean that she _did_ , in fact, graduate from Yale and earned every bit of her business degree. She talks so elegantly and with such intelligence that Dean wonders if he should just give _her_ the headset and his pay.

“Think that should cover it,” she concludes, smiling at him.

Dean just smiles back and studies her eyes. she blushes from his gaze and stands promptly, smoothing her skirt. “Well, Mr. Smith, I think I’ll get back to the notes on that VP meeting.”

“Yeah… right,” Dean lamely says.

She smiles and turns to walk toward the door, her curls bouncing with each step.

“You know, Katherine,” he calls out before he realizes what he’s doing.

“Yes, sir?”

Dean looks away, touching the back of his neck, “You know, that, uh, lunch today… I – I didn’t exactly mean a – um – _business_ lunch.”

He looks up at her after he says the last word and is surprised to see her smile, “Are you asking me on a date, Mr. Smith?”

He smirks, “Well, sort of.”

“Well, asking your girlfriend on a lunch date,” she says, taking a step back toward him. “How romantic.”

He smiles at her, “You’ve been giving me that cold shoulder office talk all morning, Katherine.”

“Like I said, someone’s gotta keep this relationship professional. They’ll boot us out if they think we’re dating.”

“As if you staying at my place every night isn’t enough of an indicator,” Dean smirks, waggling his eyebrows.

She rolls her eyes, “See you at twelve.” And with that, she confidently walks out the door and Dean smiles, sinking to his chair. It’s going to be a long three hours.

But the hours pass and finally at ten till 12, Katherine leans up against the door frame of Dean’s office, blazer on and purse in hand.

“You’re early,” Dean smirks.

She shrugs, “Been a long day at the office.”

Dean smiles as he puts on his own blazer and walks across the room, putting his arms around her, “Boss workin’ you too hard?”

“Yep,” she rolls her eyes, “Real douchebag, that guy.”

“I’d bet he’s cute though,” Dean says, leaning down for a kiss.

She shrugs, “He’s decent looking – I guess.”

“You guess?” he says, holding the door open for her.

They walk down the hall, close together, not speaking until they hit the elevator. When the doors ding shut, she turns back to him.

“So do you take all of your secretaries to lunch at fancy Italian places?”

Dean winks, “Just the cute ones.”

She laughs, “Whatever, Mr. Smith.”

The door opens again and a man with a yellow polo and khakis walks into the elevator. His hair is longer and he stares at Dean and Katherine, as if he knows them.

“Do I know you?” he asks Katherine.

She narrows her eyes, “I don’t think so.”

The man studies her harder and Dean can see Katherine grow more and more uncomfortable under his stare. He takes a chance, putting one arm around her and the other extended to the man, “Dean Smith. You work here?”

He nods, extending his own hand and shaking Dean’s. “Sam Wesson, tech support. I’m sorry, ma’am, I - I didn’t mean to offend you. You just – you both just look really familiar. What’s your name?”

Katherine offers a smile to the man who’s clearly upset about offending her. “Katherine Remington.”

“Katherine?” Sam asks, narrowing his eyes.

She nods again and opens her mouth to speak, but the elevator dings open and Dean pulls her forward by her shoulders, walking out of the lobby and towards his car in the parking lot.

“I didn’t like the way that guy looked at you,” Dean says, pulling her along.

“Me either. But he _did_ look familiar.”

Dean rolls his eyes, “Whatever. Damn tech support.”

…

A few days later, Katherine and Dean wait in the elevator on the way to their office. Her hair isn’t as perfectly styled as usual, and Dean’s desire for the early morning quickie is to blame. He grins widely at her every time he sees her try to fix it.

“Today’s gonna be busy too,” he grumbles.

She nods, “I know, baby. But I packed your salad for you, so you should be able to sneak in 30 minutes somewhere.”

“What about you?”

She shrugs, “I’ll be lucky if I get ten.”

Dean frowns, he hates seeing her work so hard.

The elevator dings as he opens his mouth, so he swallows the words on the tip of his tongue as that same damn tech support guy clamors through the elevator. Katherine instantly freezes, pulling herself to Dean’s side.

Sam Wesson stares at them some more before opening his mouth, “Can I ask you two a question?”

Dean narrows his eyes, “Look, dude we’re not –“

“Whatever, man. I’m not either. I just – I just have one question.”

Dean looks down at Katherine, who shrugs. “Go ahead,” she sweetly says.

Sam takes a moment, trying to figure out how to phrase his question. “Um, what do you think about…ghosts?”

“Ghosts?” Katherine scoffs.

“Yeah, do you believe in them?”

Dean smiles, looking toward the screen telling them what floor they’re on. “To, uh, tell you the truth, I’ve never given it much thought.”

“Me either,” Katherine agrees.

“Vampires?” Sam asks.

Katherine and Dean both cut their eyes to Sam, “What?”

“Why?”

“Because,” Sam starts. “I’ve been having some… _weird_ dreams lately. Have you had any?”

Katherine’s eyes go wide as she takes in Sam. Dean answers curtly, “No. And I’m going to do you a public service,” he says, tapping the _Open Door_ button. “You overshare, buddy.”

When the bell dings, he takes Katherine by the hand and half drags her out of the elevator, away from the crazy guy in the tech support shirt.

–

When Dean leads Katherine back into the office the next morning, he’s surprised to see ambulances and police officers scouring the building. They follow the crowd to the technical support floor and are surprised to see an officer clearing a path for paramedics to carry a body bag out of the building.

Dean squeezes Katherine’s hand and puts an arm around her as the body passes, knowing how easily she gets freaked out by blood and gore and death. Dean looks up across the room and sees Sam, gazing at him too. Once again, Sam looks like he’s trying to place the two of them.

Dean looks down at Katherine, “Somethin’ about this seem…not right to you?”

Katherine nods, “Yeah. Let’s go to your office.”

Dean quickly follows her to the elevator, away from the crowds and away from the police. Once they’re safely behind the closure of Dean’s office door, he sinks to his office chair and starts researching the deceased.

Katherine leans over his shoulder, reading the information quickly, “Says he was two weeks from retirement.”

Dean leans back, “Who offs themselves in a _microwave_ two weeks before retirement?”

Katherine takes a deep breath and shrugs, “I don’t know, Dean. I don’t like this.”

Her voice is rattled and Dean notices. He stands from the chair and pulls her to his chest, soothing her. “Hey, hey, Katherine. It’s okay, baby. It’s okay.” He pulls back from her, holding her shoulders and looking in her eyes. “Hey, why don’t you take my car, go get some Mexican, and go back to my place for the day, hm?”

She shakes her head, “No, I – I don’t wanna be alone.”

Dean nods and pulls her back, “Babe, I _have_ to get these invoices done before I can jet today. How about I do that, then I’ll take you by your favorite Mexican joint and we’ll go back to my place? It’ll only take an hour or two.”

Katherine nods, “That sounds fine.”

He smiles and places a gentle kiss to her temple. “Do you wanna work or do you wanna just sit?”

She takes a deep breath, “I’ll work.”

“Okay, only if you’re sure,” Dean says. He looks at a paper on his desk, “Can you call a guy from the tech support floor up here, please? Ian something.”

She nods and kisses his cheek, “Sure thing, boss.”

A few minutes later, Dean calls Ian and Katherine into his office. He briefly explains the invoices and requests for Ian to fill out another.

“The 445T had a few errors, no big deal, but I do need you to fill out a dash-R, today so I can get this show on the road with invoicing,” he explains, reaching around for Katherine to hand him the correct form.

“Oh no,” Ian mutters.

Katherine gives him a wide smile. “They’re really a lot easier than the 445T’s, I promise. Not as much work,” she winks.

“But I – I cost the company,” Ian mutters again. “All those profits… gone.”

Dean’s eyes narrow, “Hey, buddy, it’s fine. It’s okay, really.”

“I can’t believe I did this, I can’t believe I –“

“It’s okay,” Dean says again, his voice the air of calm. “It’s fine, Ian. It’s not a big deal.”

But Ian doesn’t listen – he keeps mumbling about profits and failing the company, over and over again. Dean stands from his chair, arms outstretched to try to calm the guy down, but it doesn’t work. He grabs Katherine’s elbow and pulls her behind him to the side, just in case.

“I failed Sandover,” Ian says, looking into Dean’s eyes. “I failed the company.”

“Why don’t you sit down, Ian?” Dean says, walking around the desk.

Ian takes off out of the office and down the hall.

“Hey!” Dean calls, going to the door.

“Follow him,” Katherine hisses. “God only knows what he’s going to do.”

So Dean does. He follows Ian into a bathroom and gently opens the door. He nods to Katherine, who stakes his place against the door frame, holding the door open as Dean walks inside. Ian leans over the sink, staring into the mirror. Dean thinks he can hear him muttering, but he can’t exactly tell what he’s saying.

Dean breathes and he notices his breath comes out in a fog, like it’s suddenly cold in the room. He looks back to Katherine, her breath does the same thing. Dean looks back at Ian and notices every automatic faucet has its light turned on, pouring hot water into the sinks, fogging up the mirrors.

Dean backs up toward Katherine as the soap dispensers come on too, squirting pink liquid on the countertop.

“Maybe we should go, Ian, Katherine?”

Ian turns to face the two of them and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a pencil and stares at it for a second, as if wondering what it was doing in his pocket. Without another word, he plunges it into his neck.

Katherine’s eyes widen as she sees the blood pour out of Ian’s skin and Ian falls to the ground. She turns out of the bathroom, calling for an ambulance, 911, _anyone_.

Dean sinks to Ian’s side, trying to look for anything he can do to help. But as Ian bleeds out beneath him, his eyes flicker to the reflective surface of the bathroom stall.

He sees a figure.

An older man, balding, with expensive looking clothes and a grin on his face.

Dean looks behind him for the figure, but all he sees is Katherine, going to pieces. He’s instantly up from Ian’s now dead body and crushes Katherine to his chest as people file in the bathroom.

“It’s okay,” he mutters against her hair. “It’s okay.”

–

“I’m sorry,” Katherine scoffs, rolling up the sleeves of her button down. “You saw a _ghost_?”

Dean shrugs as he buttons up a clean shirt, “I don’t know what I saw, Katherine. All I know is he was in the mirror and when I turned around, he was gone.”

“A ghost,” Katherine repeats, leaning against the bookshelf in Dean’s office. “Didn’t that tech support guy ask us about ghosts yesterday?”

Dean nods, rubbing his temples. “I’ve gotta get that guy down here.”

He reaches for his computer and finds the extension for Sam Wesson, hurriedly dialing it in his phone and barking orders for him to come up to Dean’s office. Katherine rubs her temples, wishing she had taken Dean’s offer to get food and head to his apartment.

Sam finally arrives and Dean asks him to close the door behind him.

“Who the hell are you?” Dean asks.

“Dean!” Katherine scolds. She turns to Sam, “I’m really sorry, Mr. Wesson. Mr. Smith here has been through an ordeal today and I –“

“It’s okay,” Sam says in a soothing tone. “I’m not sure I know, anyway.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Dean asks.

“I’m Sam Wesson. I started here three weeks ago.”

Dean raises his eyebrows, “Three weeks? That’s when Katherine – er, Miss Remington and I started too.”

He takes a deep breath, “You cornered us in the elevator three days ago asking about… about ghosts. And now…”

“Now what?” Sam asks.

“Now nothing,” Dean defends, reaching for his water bottle on the desk.

Katherine rolls her eyes and sighs.

“When you were in that bathroom with Ian… did you… _see_ something?” Sam asks.

Dean starts to shake his head, but Katherine interrupts him. “Yes, he did… Now what does that mean?”

…

“It feels like we’ve done this before,” Sam says, later that night in Dean’s apartment. “I have this feeling that I don’t belong here, you know? Like I should do something more than sit in a cubicle.”

“I think everyone who works in a cubicle feels that way,” Dean remarks.

“No,” Sam says. “It’s more than that. Like, I don’t like my job. I don’t like this town. I don’t like my clothes. Hell, I don’t even like my own last name. it’s like there’s something in my blood, I was destined for something different. You ever feel that way?”

Katherine smiles from her seat at the table. “All the time.”

Dean turns to look at her, “Really?”

She nods, “It’s not just the office work or the clothes or whatever. I’m constantly feeling confined, like I don’t even have my own freedom. I see vintage cars on the street, going wherever they wanna go, whenever they wanna go, and it pulls at my heart. Like, I should be able to do that too.”

 She takes a deep breath, “It’s like I have these – these _wings_ behind me and no matter how hard I try to fly, it’s like I’m chained down. It’s like something inside me is pulling me down a different path, toward a different destiny.”

The two of them look at Dean, waiting for his answer. “I don’t believe in destiny,” he finally says. “I do, however, believe in dealing with what’s in front of me.”

“So what happens now?” Katherine asks, looking at the two men.

Dean smiles, “Well, Kat, Sammy. We do what I do best, research.”

“Did you just call me Sammy?”

“And me Kat?”

Dean’s eyes narrow. “Yeah… I guess I did.”

“Don’t.”

“Yeah, babe, please don’t.”

–

Katherine’s head feels like she got hit by a train. Being flung against a wall would do that to a person, she supposes.

Dean’s fingers work swiftly on the cut on her temple, cleaning the wound and patching it with a simple band-aid. He hadn’t thought she needed stitches, but she did have one hell of a headache.

“I’ve never had so much fun in my life,” Dean says, leaning against the desk that Katherine and Sam sat on.

“Me either,” they both agree with small smiles.

“We should keep doing this,” Sam remarks with a nod. “The three of us, hunting ghosts.”

Katherine and Dean smile at each other and then look back at Sam, giving him their agreement.

“I mean it,” Sam says with a nod. “There are other ghosts and we could probably help a lot of people.”

“Yeah,” Katherine agrees. “We could be like the Ghostfacers.”

“No, really, I mean for real,” Sam says.

Katherine’s face lights up at his words, nodding along, but Dean’s face pulls into a smirk. “What? Quit our jobs and hit the road? How would we live? How would we get by? Stolen credit cards and diner food?”

His eyes flicker to Katherine, “Maybe for two bachelors or bored guys or something. But,” he sighs, taking her hand. “What about health insurance? Life insurance? Where would we live? I mean – what if I wanted to get married or have kids or something, man?”

Katherine’s face pulls into a slight smile at the mention of marriage and kids, but she remains silent.

“Alright, confession,” Sam states, taking a deep breath. “Remember those dreams I was talking about? With the ghosts?”

Katherine and Dean nod.

“I was fighting them… but it wasn’t just _me_. It was both of you. we were like, _hunters_ and we were all friends. Well – we were actually like brothers, but you and – and Katherine, you were together of course but… what if that’s where we’re meant to be.”

“What if we think this is our life, but it’s not?”

Dean sighs and stands from the desk, leaning against the window sill. “Look, man, the ghost is dead and we’re still standing, okay?”

“No, this isn’t who we’re supposed to be.”

“No,” Dean snaps, tone picking up. “I’m Dean Smith, okay? Director of Sales and Marketing. I went to Stanford. I got a father named Bob, mother named Ellen, and a sister named Jo.”

“When’s the last time you talked to them?”

Dean looks away, thinking. “I – uh –“

“All I know is I moved up here because my fiancée just dumped me on my ass. But when I tried to call Madison, I got a damn animal hospital.”

“So what?” Katherine interjects. “We got injected with fake memories?”

“All I know is I got this feeling in my gut,” Sam says, defeated. “And I know that deep down, you both have it too. We are all supposed to be something else.”

He turns to Dean, “You’re not just some corporate douchebag who’s banging your hot secretary.” He turns to Katherine, “And you’re _way_ too smart to be working as a damn secretary for some corporate douchebag.”

“I know you,” he says to them both.

“How could you know us?” Katherine asks. “We just met.”

Dean takes a look at Sam, “You should go, pal.”

–

Dean takes a look at the piece of paper Mr. Adler hands to him. There are a lot of zeros on it.

“That’s very generous,” he huskily says, making sure he tilts the paper so Katherine can read it over his shoulder.

“Purely selfish. That could buy a nice ring, keep this one by your side,” Adler says with a wink. “We just wanna make sure you’re not going anywhere.”

“Positive?”

Adler smiles, “Absolutely. You are Sandover material, son. I see bright things for you. maybe even Senior VP, Eastern Great Lakes Division. Of course, there’d be a lot of hard work – lots of eating meals at your desk and putting off date night,” he says with another wink to Katherine. “But in a few years, that could be you.”

Dean licks his lips and looks down at the paper again before letting his eyes flicker back to Katherine.

Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail today and the bags under her eyes reflect the long night of chasing ghosts and the even longer night of making love in Dean’s apartment. He had been unable to sleep, pondering all the ways he could still make a home for her, provide for her, and _still_ chase ghosts like Sam Wesson and Katherine Remington clearly wanted to.

In the end, Dean had figured that if it was meant to work out, it would. The desk job would always be there, but he wasn’t getting any younger. And if Katherine was as excited as he figured and loved him as much as he thought, she’d be on board with it too.

So when Dean looked back up at Adler, he smiled.

“I’m sorry sir, but I’m going to have to respectfully decline and put in my two weeks,” he looked up to Katherine, who was beaming. “And Miss Remington is going to put in hers as well.”

“Are you kidding me?” Adler asks. “Are you unhappy? Is Miss Remington unhappy?”

“Oh no, sir,” Katherine blushed. “I think what Mr. Smith is trying to say is that we just – we feel like we belong somewhere else. We have other work we need to do.”

“Other work? Another company?”

Dean shook his head, “No, it’s just… this is… it’s not who we’re supposed to be.”

Adler sighed, “Ah, finally.”

He reached up and touched both of their foreheads, sending giving them back their memories.


	12. when it all comes down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wake a few hours later, head aching and mouth dry.
> 
> That immediately gets my attention. I'm an angel now - I shouldn't hurt. I can hear Dean calling my name and open my eyes to see his worried face.
> 
> "Kat - Kat, baby, you're awake," he sighs with relief. "What the hell happened?"
> 
> "I - I don't - I don't know!"
> 
> I shut my eyes, trying to recall the last few hours, but the last thing I remember is Sam calling out for me in his hallucinations and knocking him back out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I skipped a few episodes. Set during 4.21 - when the levee breaks.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I hear Bobby ask as I climb the stairs.

I enter the room as Dean slams his glass of whiskey on the table. He opens his mouth to say something, but cuts off when he sees me. “How is he?”

I sigh, “The hallucinations have started. Pretty bad, as far as I can tell."

“You say that like you expected’em,” Bobby says, taking a drink.

“Can’t say I’m surprised,” I shrug. “Most drug addicts have hallucinations when they quit cold turkey.”

Dean groans, “How long will it last, Kat?”

“There’s no way to know. I’ve never seen anything like this before. Hell, Sam was drinking the demon blood like a Dr. Pepper. We have no idea what the internal damage is or if we can even fix it.”

" _If we can fix it_?" Dean bars.

I shrug again, "We don't know if it's even fixable, Dean. He might not make it out of this alive."

“Maybe this is a bad idea,” Bobby quietly says.

Dean cuts his eyes to glare at Bobby. “We’ve got to get the blood out of his system. He took a demon and drained it, right in front of us. He _lied_ to us. For _months_.”

As if on cue, Sam starts screaming loud enough that we can hear him from the panic room. All three of us cringe and look at our feet. I hear Bobby shuffle some papers and look up to see him handing them to me, “Buddy of mine called – had some news.”

I take the papers and read the headlines. "Key West sees 10 species go extinct, 15 men in Alaska go blind, teacher kills 66 kids. All seals. Is this all from today?”

Dean nods.

“Lilith is breaking them even faster than we thought,” I whisper.

“Do you know how many are left?” Bobby asks me.

I shrug, “I wouldn’t know for sure unless one of the higher ups told me – it's not exactly something they're gonna share to every angel. I’ve tried reaching for Castiel on angel radio more than once – he’s ignoring me.”

“Figures,” Dean grumbles.

Bobby sighs and gets up from the desk, “Do you really think now’s the time for all this, Dean?”

“All of what?” Dean snaps.

“This – this domestic dispute here. I mean, are we doing the right thing?"

Dean's eyes narrow, "What the hell do you mean?"

"I'm just saying, son, Sam can _kill_ demons. Taking him off the bench would give us two demon killers on our roster, we'd have a shot to stop Armageddon.”

“So what?” Dean spits. “We sacrifice Sam’s life for the greater good? Is that what you’re saying? Times are bad so we use Sam and Kat as nuclear warheads?”

Bobby shakes his head, “Look, I love Sam like he was my own. I’m just saying maybe he’s here instead of on the battlefield because we love him _too_ much.”

Dean turns to look at me, “What do you think?”

“This isn’t on me to decide, Dean. He's your brother.”

He keeps looking at me, “You’re family too, Kat. What do you think?”

“I’m not necessarily in the loop of angel intelligence, Dean.”

“So?”

I roll my eyes, “So I don’t have any idea about much of anything. They let me keep my mojo, but they don’t talk to me. My part of the deal was to pal around with you and try to stop seals, not make Heavenly decisions."

“What about Cas?”

“Dean, I just said he was ignoring –“

Dean huffs, “Is Cas on the need-to-know list?”

I nod and extend my arms, "He's not going to tell you anything unless he thinks we need to know. You're gonna expect him to weigh in on whether detoxing Sam is a good idea?"

"He knows more than you, right?" Dean growls at me. "He may have an answer or be able to lead us to someone who does."

I shake my head, "Whatever you say, Dean. Maybe he'll actually talk to you."

…

Two hours later, I sit on the hood of the Impala with Dean standing between my legs, his fingers on each knee. He hasn't apologized for barking at me, but he holds me tenderly and I know he's sorry. I guess tensions tend to run high whenever you're trying to help your brother quit demon blood cold turkey. He sighs and I run my hands across his shoulders and through his hair, "It's going to be okay," I soothe.

Dean pulls me in closer, "You know, I don't know what I'd do without you, Kat."

i smile and kiss his cheek, "Probably fall apart."

"You're damn straight," Dean hoarsely murmurs. "You know, I've been doing alot of thinkin' since Zachariah zapped us back."

"Mmmm," I hum, gently pulling my fingers through his hair.

Dean straightens up, letting me look in his bright green eyes. "Yeah, I mean, I wish that could be us, you know? I wish we could have office jobs where our biggest concern was if someone caught us fucking in a broom closet."

I chuckle and press my lips to his, but he pushes me back.

"No, Kat. I mean it. I want this all to just be something in a book, like those Supernatural books. After this is over - the apocalypse, i mean - can we just get back to that? To you and me?"

I nod, "Of course, Dean. I didn't want the damn angel grace anyway - I only took it back to protect you and Sam. I just want us to go back to how we were as kids - you know? Slightly normal."

Dean chuckles, "Oh yeah, waiting till Dad and Sam were passed out to call you on a pay phone. Hoping my brother didn't hear me care about a girl - God."

You laugh, "Those were the days."

The silence falls easy on us, and I turn my head up to watch the stars. It's rare that we get moments like this anymore, so I make sure to press against him even tighter. He takes a deep breath and puts his forehead against mine, "Should I call him again?"

"There's no need," the deep voice of Castiel purrs from the garage.

“Well it’s about time,” Dean spits, turning around. “We’ve been screaming ourselves hoarse for about two hours.”

Cas rolls his eyes a little and it makes me want to punch him. “What do you want?”

“Start with what happened in Illinois,” Dean spits. “You were gonna tell me something.”

Castiel’s eyes flicker to me, and I see something I haven’t seen in millennia – _fear_. I push Dean away from the Impala so I can get down too. Dean's hand still holds mine as Castiel calmly says, “It is not of import.”

“Not of import?” Dean snarls back. “You get ass reamed in heaven and it’s not of import?”

Cas’s eyes flicker back to mine and I see the fear, more pronounced. I place my hand on Dean’s shoulder, calming him.

“We should probably talk about the real reason you called me,” Cas says. “It’s about Sam, am I right?”

“Can he do it?” Dean’s husky voice asks. “Kill Lilith, stop the apocalypse?”

“Possibly,” Castiel says. “But as you know, he’d have to take certain steps.”

I sigh, “More blood.”

“Consuming the amount of blood it would take to kill Lilith would change your brother forever. Most likely, he’d become the next creature you’d be compelled to kill.” Castiel turns to us, “There’s no reason this would have to come to pass. Katherine has heard us talk on the angel radio – we believe it’s _you_ , Dean, not your brother. The only question for us is whether you’re willing to accept it – to stand up and accept your role as the one who will stop it.”

“If I do this,” Dean quietly says, “then Sammy doesn’t have to and Kat is protected?”

“Dean – I –“

But I’m cut off.

Castiel speaks harshly, “If it gives you comfort to see it that way, then yes.”

Dean walks off from us, taking a deep breath, “Fine, I’m in.”

Castiel locks eyes with me, “Will you give yourself over, wholly to the service of God and His angels?”

“Yeah, exactly. I give myself over, wholly, to serve God and you guys… Now what?”

“Now you wait,” Castiel says. “And we call on you when it’s time.”

Without another word, he vanishes.

Dean turns to me, “Kat,” he says softly, pulling me to his arms. I sink into the comfort of his warmth, holding him close as we walk back into the house. I can feel his hands tremble on my skin – I’d be lying if I said that didn’t make me nervous. Within seconds, Dean relays what just happened to Bobby, finally crashing against the door frame for support.

“But Dean, did you see him?” I ask.

“See what?”

“Cas,” I whisper. “Dean, he was _afraid_ of something, of someone. You shouldn't have taken the oath."

Dean looks away from me, processing. He sighs, running his hands through his hair. “I don’t have a choice. Trust the other angels or let Sammy trust a demon. No contest.”

Bobby sighs and the room goes silent.

Too silent.

“Do you hear that?” Bobby quietly asks.

Dean’s eyes widen for a moment before he takes off down the stairs, Bobby and I follow behind him as quickly as possible. He opens the peep hole of the door, looking inside to see Sam having a fit on the floor.

“What if he’s faking?”

“Think he would?” Bobby says, answering Dean’s question.

Dean doesn’t get a chance to debate as Sam is thrown across the room by some invisible force. I hear Dean bellow my name as I instantly zap myself inside the panic room and at Sam’s side. I pull him down from the wall as Bobby and Dean run into the room and the three of us hold him down. Bobby pulls Sam’s belt from his pants and the two of them hold it in his mouth so he doesn’t choke.

“We’ve got to tie him down,” Bobby says, struggling with Sam. He looks up at me and Dean, I nod, holding his head still, but Dean remains emotionless, staring at his brother.

“Let me knock him out!” I yell. “Dean!”

“Dean, are you with us!” Bobby yells. “Before he has another fit!”

“Yeah, yeah, just get it over with,” Dean says.

I put two fingers on Sam’s temple and he goes limp in our arms, finally calm from his fit.

“Thanks Kat,” Bobby murmurs.

Dean and I lift Sam’s body to the bed while Bobby searches for the cuffs. He takes his time, putting them on the bed and securing Sam’s limbs. We put cloth between his skin and the cuffs, trying to make him as comfortable as possible.

I sit inside the panic room, keeping my presence hidden from Sam so he doesn’t know I’m there. I can hear him thrashing against the cuffs and I know pretty soon I’m going to have to heal the bruises against his wrists and ankles. The thrashing hurts my heart with each sound, but I promised Dean I’d stay down here and watch him – make sure he didn’t have another fit.

Eventually, Sam starts talking.

It’s rough, not being able to hear the other side of the conversation, just Sam’s whimpering and pleading for the invisible person to stop. I hear Dean’s name a few times, Bobby’s, Mary’s, John’s, even my own.

That’s what hurts the most.

“K-Kat, _don’t_. we-we were friends, _family_ ,” he whimpers. I can only imagine what the image of me in Sam’s mind is saying.

“I-I’m sorry I went with Ruby, p-p-please, Kat. You-you’re _family_ ,” his whimpers turn to cries, and finally I can’t stand anymore. I put my fingers on his forehead and push him back to sleep, retreating back so no one can feel my presence. I peek into Sam’s subconscious and gently pluck at his dreams until they are pleasant ones of him and Dean driving down the highway.

Sam isn’t asleep for long when I hear something at the door of the panic room. my consciousness jerks up, but I don’t see any intruders.

Without any invitation, Sam’s handcuffs clink open and I see him open his eyes. he jerks around and gets up from the bed, cautious of his new freedom. The door to the panic room creaks open next and I make myself known.

“Sam,” I gently say.

“Kat?”

“Sam get back on the bed,” I command.

He shakes his head, “Is this – is this real?”

I nod, putting out my hands. “Sam, I don’t want to force you. Get back on the bed.”

He shakes his head again, shakily walking away from me. I zap myself on the other side of the door, only to be met by the strong fist of an angel.

“Agh!” I say, fighting back. My fist connects with a hard jaw before I slip out an angel blade and look up at my opponent. “Castiel,” I whisper.

“I am sorry, Katherine,” he says. “Orders are orders.” With a flick of his wrist, my world goes black.

* * *

I wake a few hours later, head aching and mouth dry.

That immediately gets my attention. I'm an angel now - I shouldn't _hurt_. I can hear Dean calling my name and open my eyes to see his worried face.

"Kat - Kat, baby, you're awake," he sighs with relief. "What the hell happened?"

"I - I don't - I don't know!"

I shut my eyes, trying to recall the last few hours, but the last thing I remember is Sam calling out for me in his hallucinations and knocking him back out.

"I messed with Sam's dreams so he'd sleep peacefully," I say. I look around the room and see every Devil's Trap busted or broken. No Sam, either. "Who did -"

"Ruby?" Dean suggests.

Bobby shrugs, "I didn't think she had the juice."

I try to stand, but the pain in my head makes my legs shake. "Well she did a damn number on me," I growl. 

Dean narrows his eyes, "Angels don't get hurt, Kat."

I roll my eyes and try to summon some of my own mojo to heal myself - but it's like the fuse is shorted out. I can feel my grace making an attempt to reach my aching head, but it's like it's blocked before it gets anywhere. I experiment again, trying to zap myself and Dean to another room, but that shortens out too. My powers are cut off.

"I-I'm out of juice," I stutter.

"What? Your grace is gone?" 

I shake my head at Dean, "No, more like cut off."

"So the big boys cut you off before the big fight?" Dean grumbles. "Can they even friggin'  _do_ that?"

"Of course," I say, getting to my feet. "Only when an angel's done something really bad. They cut down the juice, usually it's only a little. But mine is almost completely gone."

Dean takes another calming breath and turns to Bobby, "I hope to God that Sam's with Ruby."

"Why?" he asks.

"Because killin' that bitch just got moved to the top of my to-do list."

Dean puts an arm around my shoulders, leading me through the basement and to the stairs.

"Thought you were on call for the angels?" Bobby calls.

"I am on call - in my car - on my way to murder the bitch!"

 


	13. he's coming.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> set during the last part of 4.21, and all of 4.22

Dean hangs up the phone as the Impala rumbles down the highway. We haven’t seen another car in hours, and I know it’s wearing on Dean’s nerves. Thankfully, we’re only another twenty minutes from where Bobby said the SUV Sam stole was reported. Dean’s grip on the wheel gets tighter as we get closer.

I reach over and put a hand on his knee. “It’s going to be okay, Dean.”

He shrugs, only meeting my eyes for a couple seconds. “You think so? My brother’s trying to take on friggin’ Lilith, and my girlfriend is out of angel juice. Friggin’ perfect.”

“You know,” I say, letting a smile play at my lips, “I actually was a hunter before I got the angel juice. I’d be willing to bet that I can still fight.”

A smirk plays at Dean’s lips, “Oh is that so? You think you can hold your own in a fight?”

I roll my eyes and shift in my seat so I’m facing him. “You know better than to challenge me. Angel or not, I’ll still kick your ass.”

Dean cuts his eyes to give me a smile before pulling into the nice hotel. It’s the kind of place I would have loved to stay before Dean went to Hell – at least three stars nicer than the dives we used to stay in. but now, it just fills me with dread because Sam’s in there, probably sucking down demon blood.

“You sure this is where Sam is?”

Dean nods, “Kid’s trying to hide from me. Only he doesn’t know that I know all of his tricks.”

He gets out of the car and walks to the trunk. He opens it and begins pulling some things into his jacket. A flask of holy water, a container of salt, and the demon knife for himself – holy water, and a can of spray paint for a Devil’s Trap for me.

“Ready to do this?”

I scoff. “You know, the entire time you were in Hell, I dreamed of how I was going to kill Ruby. I wanted to pay her back for luring Sam away, for breaking up what was left of my family. So yeah, I’m definitely ready.”

Dean smiles, “That’s my girl.” He leans in for a quick kiss before walking to the fancy hotel.

Once Dean provides the receptionist with one of Sam’s aliases, she directs us up the elevator and to a honeymoon suite. I scoff at Sam’s choice of room for him and Ruby, but one glare from Dean shuts me up. I take my holy water from my belt and grip it tightly in my hand, preparing myself to use it on Ruby the first chance I get.

The door is left unlocked, which sets me on edge. Why would Sam be so careless as to leave the door unlocked?

Dean pushes it open and stands still for a second – just observing. Ruby stands at the end of the bed with her back to us, trying to pack her clothes in a duffle. I narrow my eyes, baring my flask and walking toward her. Dean reaches out, grabbing my arm and shaking his head at me. I immediately understand – Ruby is his kill.

He swings out, preparing to stab her through the heart, but she turns, letting him scrape her arm instead. She grabs his arm, fighting the blade, but Dean pushes her against a wall. I take a step toward him, but I feel a hand on my arm.

“Stop, Kat,” Sam’s low voice warns me.

He quickly reaches out toward Dean, pulling his brother’s arm away from Ruby, shouting about the two of them calming down.

“Must have been some party,” Dean snarls. “Considering how badly you two tried to keep us from crashing it.”

“Dean, I’m glad you’re here, Kat too,” Sam says, raising his arms. “Let’s talk about this.”

“Soon as she’s dead, we’ll talk all you want,” Dean barks.

Sam looks back at Ruby, “Ruby get out of here.”

“Hell no,” I say, “She’s not going anywhere.”

Both Sam and Ruby stop for a beat, but just a beat. Ruby takes off toward the door and I quickly follow, tearing open the door and chasing her down the hall. I can hear Dean’s gruff voice calling out inside Sam’s suite, but I know he’s confronting his brother, he’s not worried about me chasing down Ruby.

So I do. I follow her out to the parking lot and manage to catch her as she passes the Impala. I trip her, sending us both spiraling to the ground.

“Well, well, if it isn’t Katherine the angel. Seems to me like you’re a little low on juice,” Ruby spits, standing up at the same speed I do.

We circle each other for a second, eyes narrowed. I know better than to think either of us have weapons that will work on the other, since Dean has the demon blade. “I don’t need angel mojo to snap your neck.”

Ruby tilts her head, giving me a smile. “Why would you want to do that, Kat? All I’ve tried to do is help you.”

“Oh yeah? Like the time you got Sam hooked on demon blood? Or how about the time you took him from me to chase fairytales? Or how about the time you turned him against his own family?”

Ruby’s smile fades, replaced with a glare. “Seems you and Dean can’t remember that I’m helping Sam. I’m helping him get stronger.”

“At what cost, Ruby? That much demon blood is going to kill him.”

Ruby stops moving, “As long as he gets the job done, what do you care?”

“Fuck you, Ruby,” I spit. “Sam’s my family.”

“Sam can do this, Kat. He can kill Lilith.”

“And you think Dean can’t? You think Dean’s gonna let his baby brother take down the head demon bitch?” I snarl. “Do you think I’m gonna let you stand by Sam’s side? God only knows your motive.”

Ruby scoffs, “What motive? I want Lilith dead – same as you.”

I nod for a second, looking at my feet before meeting her eyes. “Yeah, and I don’t buy this whole ‘good Samaritan demon’ thing. What’s your real play, Ruby?”

Ruby’s mouth curls into a smile and her mouth opens to answer me, but the front door of the hotel bangs open, revealing a bloody and worn Sam Winchester. His eyes lock on Ruby and I, making sure he weren’t fighting each other.

He walks toward us, grabbing Ruby’s arm and pulling her from me. “We’re leaving,” he announces, letting her walk beside him.

“Where’s Dean?” I snarl.

Sam looks up toward the hotel room, “Where I left him.”

As soon as they round the corner, I gather the limits of my angel juice and zap myself to the suite Sam and Ruby had been in.

It’s a mess.

Glass litters the floor, broken from the windows and TV’s, coffee tables. The walls have holes, the tables are crashed, and Dean lays in the middle of the floor, blood pouring from his nose.

“Oh my God, Dean,” I exclaim, sinking to his feet. My angel juice is straining through my veins, but I think I have just enough to heal him. I put my hand on his cheek, healing him and smoothing his hair. “What happened, baby?”

Dean looks up at me and I can see tears filling his eyes. “Sammy does-doesn’t want our help. He just wants that – that demon, not his family.”

“It’s okay, Dean. It’s going to be okay.”

“No – no it won’t,” he coughs out. “Not until we kill Lilith and Ruby.”

“We?”

Dean nods, “Yeah, Kat. It’s you and me against the world now.”

There’s nothing else I can say, so I just pull him to my chest, letting the dry sobs shake his body.

Being back at Bobby’s is the closest feeling I have to home.

I look out across the street and see the house that my mom and I used to live in. Another family lives there now and I watch them having a barbeque in their front yard. I don’t blame them – early May is a wonderful time for barbeques, just warm enough that the promise of summer lightens everyone’s moods.

I wonder if this is how the Winchester brothers felt whenever they saw Bobby’s house through the dashboard of the Impala over the years. I’m sure for Sam, this was as much of a home as anything. But for Dean… sometimes I wonder if seeing my house across the road was enough to turn this home into a tomb.

Sitting in Bobby’s living room, hearing him go at it with Dean in the other room while I try to look out the window is enough to turn this place into a tomb for me. I try hard not to listen to their conversation, but ignoring them is quite a feat while they shout at each other.

First they yell about Sam, then they yell about Dean. I hear my name thrown in a couple of times, but I stay where I am. I’ve tried convincing Dean to talk to Sam, to call him, to let me go to him, but Dean seems resolved on letting Sam do whatever the hell he wants – so I stay out of it.

But then, the voices stop.

It seems like the argument is over for the moment, so I tear my eyes away from the kids across the street and look through the room.

“Son of a bitch!” Bobby yells, causing me to jump.

I wait half a beat for Dean’s witty comeback, but I hear nothing.

Which is odd.

I get up from the couch and walk into the next room. Bobby is running through the house, yelling for Dean.

“Where is he?”

Bobby puts up his hands, “He just evaporated into thin air! I got no idea!”

Panic starts to build inside me as I look around. I push my grace out, trying to feel him somewhere in the house, trying to search for any demonic or angelic presence.

I feel it.

“Fucking damn it all to hell!” I shout, loud enough that Bobby turns to look at me.

“What?”

“Fucking angels! Dean swore that stupid oath and now they’ve taken him.”

Bobby rolls his eyes before slamming his hands down on the table. “Where, Kat? Where did they take him?”

“I don’t know, but I’m going to find out.”

-

It’s easy for me to find Castiel.

There’s one particular Heaven that he likes to visit and I’ve seen him here before. It’s a clear and sunny day in a park – a slight breeze is blowing out of the northwest. To my right, I see a young man flying a red kite. It brings me peace and I can understand why Castiel likes hanging out here.

Sure enough, I see him in the form of his vessel, sitting on one of the park benches.

He sighs – I’m sure he can feel my presence. “Hello, Katherine.”

“Where is he, Castiel?”

He turns, facing me over the back of the bench. “Who?”

I take steps toward him, coming around the front of the bench. I can feel my grace surging as I grab the front of his trenchcoat and suit and pull him off his feet. “Where is Dean Winchester? I want to see him.”

“We’re keeping him safe.”

I scoff, putting him down, “And by ‘we’, you mean ‘Zachariah.’”

Castiel looks away from me, confirming my answer.

“Why did you take him, Castiel? What are they doing with him? He needs to be stopping Sam.”

“We have to keep him safe.”

I roll my eyes and take a step back with an exasperated sigh, “Why have you been avoiding me, Cas? Why will no one on high tell me what the hell is going on? Why did you take Dean without telling me?”

“You have a lot of questions,” Castiel simply says. “You’ve been given the same orders as Sam and Dean Winchester for one main reason. If anyone told you something different than Dean, you’d immediately confide in him.”

He still won’t meet my eyes. He shuffles from foot to foot, as if he’s nervous.

“What happened, Cas? Talk to me.”

He takes a deep breath, “You understand why they couldn’t tell you, right? IT took them a long time to confide in me, to tell me what the initial plan was, but you know why they couldn’t tell you?”

“Couldn’t tell me what, Cas?”

“You were too close to them,” he says, looking deep in my eyes. “You would’ve stopped it.”

“Stopped what?”

His blue eyes pierce mine, more fierce than I’ve ever seen Castiel look. “The big finish. The apocalypse.”

Realization dawns on me. They haven’t been trying to stop breaking the seals – they’ve meant to. They want it all to end. Which means the angels have removed Dean, causing me to search for him, which means neither of us are stopping Sam.

“You want Sam to ice Lilith.”

Castiel nods, “She’s the final seal.”

I put one hand on his shoulder, “Cas, you have to stop this. Send me to Dean.”

“You don’t have the juice to break him out.”

“Then go to him, Cas,” I plead. “Get him out. Sam will only listen to Dean right now. We can still stop this.”

He shakes his head, “This is how it is supposed to happen, Kat.”

I shake my head, “Castiel, how many people will die so that we get the happy ending, the paradise? Are you so willing that all should suffer?”

“They will know. Michael, Zachariah, Uriel, Raphael, they will know it was us.”

“Then we will fight them. Together, Castiel. Just like the old days.”

Castiel shakes his head, “They would destroy us for messing their plans.”

I nod, “Probably. But we’d go down together, doing the right thing.”

“No.”

Castiel puts his hand on my shoulder for a second, when I look back at him, he has disappeared.

I groan in frustration, looking up at the piercing blue sky of this man’s heaven. Of course Castiel is gone. Of course he wouldn’t help. I sink to the bench, angry that I have next to zero angel juice, angry that Castiel won’t help me, angry that I can’t stop Sam or get to Dean.

I don’t know how long I sit in this version of Heaven, because the sun never moves in the sky. It could be minutes, hours, weeks, but my frustration grows.

Finally, I hear the rustle of wings behind me. I assume it’s Zachariah and I turn, prepared to fight.

But it’s Castiel.

“Katherine,” he talks quickly, “we have to go. We can fix this.”

“Decided to do the right thing, Cas?”

He nods, “We can save this. But we have to go now.”

I stand from the bench, walking toward him and taking his hand, “Take me to Dean.”

-

I’m not surprised to see the crisp white room that Zachariah put together for Dean. There are a lot of Biblical paintings and such, but it screams “douchebag with unlimited amounts of money,” which is exactly Zachariah’s style.

Dean looks somewhat surprised to see Castiel, but very surprised to see me. he pulls me into a deep kiss, tangling his hands in my hair as his lips move against mine. When he breaks away, he looks worried.

“Are you hurt?”

“No I’m fine.”

“Where have you been?”

I look to Castiel, his eyes narrow as he reaches into his pocket for the demon knife, “Now, Katherine.”

He puts the knife to his forearm, trying to quickly draw the banishing symbol that I used so long ago. When it finally looks right, he turns to me, “You’ll have to be touching me so you’re not blasted away too.”

I nod, taking Dean’s hand and putting another on Castiel’s shoulder. True to form, Zachariah appears, saying something to Castiel – or me, I’m not really sure – but it doesn’t matter as Castiel puts his bloodied hand to the sigil, sending Zachariah away.

“Let’s go,” Castiel says. He puts two fingers to my forehead and Dean’s, sending us away from the white room.

-

St. Mary’s Convent is just like I expected it when Chuck told us about it. It’s dark, damp, creepy, everything I would use to describe the Haunted Mansion. My skin still tingles from where Castiel sent us away, telling Dean and I that he would fend off the archangels.

“I should’ve stayed,” I whisper, looking away from Dean.

His hand gently grabs mine, “It’s going to be okay, Kat. We’re gonna stop Sammy and get this mess straightened out.”

I nod, looking back into his green eyes. A smirk pulls at his lips, “Then we’re going to a beach – three week vacation.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

We walk down the quiet hallway, hand in hand. Dean walks on my right, his right hand gripping the demon knife tightly. I take Castiel’s angel blade in my jacket, feeling angel grace pump through my veins. Before we left Heaven, Cas flipped the switch, giving me my full powers back, thankfully.

We round the corner and see Sam, confronting Lilith in the main cathedral of the convent. We start to run, meeting Ruby’s eyes on the other side of a set of doors. She smirks at Dean and nods her head at me before flicking the heavy wooden doors shut.

As we reach the end of the hall, I can hear Lilith moaning in pain – I can only assume that Sam’s trying to kill her.

Dean starts calling out for his brother as the two of us start banging on the door. Apparently Ruby’s more powerful than I thought, because even my grace can’t open the door. I can hear Ruby screaming at Sam for a few seconds as we bang away, but apparently Sam starts going back at her because I can hear Lilith screaming again.

“Sam! Sam stop!”

Then it all goes silent.

Dean and I just look at each other, almost slumping against the door for a second. Dean runs to get something he can use on the door as I keep pounding away, using everything I have in me. we can hear Ruby and Sam talking, I can hear every word.

“She did it on purpose,” I snarl, pounding the door again.

“I’m going to kill that bitch,” Dean growls, hitting harder and harder.

Finally, I feel the door crack. “Stand back,” I tell Dean.

He does as I ask, I summon all of my strength and completely blast the door. Once it’s free, Dean starts hitting splinters out of his way, pushing into the cathedral with me on his heels.

Ruby gives him a smug smile, “You’re too late.”

Dean pulls the knife from his belt, “I don’t care.”

I see Sam hold Ruby’s arms as Dean lunges forward, burying the knife deep in her chest. She twitches for a second before the light leaves her eyes.

I can hear Sam mumble an apology before the ground starts to shake. I put a hand on Sam’s shoulder and Dean’s, watching the trail of Lilith’s blood light up. “The door,” I whisper.

“Sammy, Kat, let’s go, let’s get out of here,” Dean mumbles, pulling both of our jackets.

I stare, dumbfounded into the abyss.

“He’s coming,” Sam says, almost a whisper.

I can feel Dean's stare on me, "Kat, zap us out of here!"

I try, drawing all of my grace, anything to get the two of them out of harm's way. But it's as if I'm cut off from Heaven again. "I - I got nothing!" I scream, pushing the two of them toward the door.

I see Dean and Sam start to beat on the door, so I turn, preparing to defend them from Lucifer, anything to keep them from getting hurt.

All I can see is the white light. Lucifer, the light bringer, he has come.


End file.
